Is Bad Sex A Deal Breaker?

I had a friend that was seeing this guy for about a month when they went on an extended weekend trip. What should have been a nice getaway turned into one mishap after another. Sometimes I feel she is her own worst enemy.

Upon her return she detailed out the weekend blow by blow. She seemed to have all these justifications of why she didn’t feel the spark but they all felt like excuses to me. For every rationalization she gave I countered with reason, logic and perspective. She keeps saying Next, Next, Next to all these guys and needs to realize some day there will no longer be a Next. No one else will be standing in line.

I tried to explain to her that love and relationships are a series of concession and compromises. There will always be things about another person that make us want to scream at the top of our lungs or even do a “Gibbs” swat to the back of the head but we bite our tongue smile politely and say, “Okay, baby” with a pasted on smile.

When she got down to the details about the sex I finally began to see her side of things. He could not kiss, had no idea what foreplay was and thought fucking should take all of 10 minutes.  I asked exasperated, “Why did you not just start with that? I would have gladly said NEXT for you!”

I guess my point to this ramble is: “Is bad Sex A Deal Breaker?” The old me would have said NO, but then again I stayed in a marriage for far longer than I ever should have because so many other aspects were good.  

In my past relationship I had to minimize sex as an important factor because my sex life was near non-existent.  My level of good vs. bad had no true comparison, making me blissfully unaware of what I was missing. How much can we compromise on? How important is sex in the relationship to each person? What are deal breakers for you?

Sam* has opened my eyes to a whole new world. Not only is the sex spectacular he has made me comfortable in a way I never was with any other partner. I am not ashamed of my desires or needs. I like that he dominates me in the bedroom. I adore the fact he can separate out the need to be dominate in some aspects of life, while others I need and must have my independence.

He has made me a believer: If the sex sucks say NEXT!!


Anonymous said...

If you would have asked if no sex was a deal breaker, I would have said absolutely. But bad sex? That depends. How bad is bad? The sex might be good while lacking in frequency or variation. Or one part of it might be good (e.g. he gives great oral sex) but another part might be bad (e.g. he can't fuck for more than two minutes). Bad can be a whole set of shades of gray!

Calliope Jones said...

I like your last line. Shades of Grey. Have you read the series? I am thinking of doing a book review on here about the trilogy.