Reprograming our Hearts & Heads

After spending years with the same person we tend to be “programmed” by them. We know their likes and dislikes, things to avoid saying or doing. We become accustom to their way of thinking and even adopt it as our own. So how does one overwrite the old programming hit the reset button so to speak?

I am finally dating someone, someone with serious potential at a future and someone I absolutely adore. “B” is amazing in so many ways but I have to really work at not defaulting to my old programming.


When "B" gives me a compliment my first reaction is to dismiss it. Learning to accept it and say thank you is new. He makes me feel good and I want to believe he like me just as I am but the EX was a narcissist about his weight and appearance which made me continuously feel like I was not what he wanted.


The EX almost never wanted sex. We never did it during the day, my pleasure was never priority, he wanted me to be quiet, and numerous other little oddities. I use to want it all the time but I had to pled for it, beg, cry, even barter for sex so I became conditioned or "programmed" to not expect it.

“B” said; make noise, scream, talk dirty to me, tell me what you want me to do, let me know I am pleasuring you! He was so sincere and serious it made me smile and want to cum for him even more. He has an insatiable appetite. In less than a 24 hour time frame we can have sex and not just run of the mill sex but mind blowing really good sex three or four times. (Which I love, but I have to get use to the "update.")

The EX hated breasts! How does a guy hate boobs? “B” was over at the house and mentioned the bra hanging on the door knob. My gut instinct was to cower in shame for leaving it there and when he said it was a large bra I was scared he would think my breasts were ugly. Instead he said “I love them, they are perfect!” It is astounding how much my thinking was geared towards hating my own body.


It is time to get rid of the old programming, purify the heart and accept new data.



15 comments:

Bella said...

Very sweet post. I'm glad you've found someone who makes you feel good.

AnnaBelle Forester said...

SHE'S BACK!!!!!!!

AnnaBelle Forester said...

The EX is the EX for good reason!! And I know, not just this one, but this is a huge part of who you are and you so deserve to stand tall and let someone show you how amazing it can all be!!! So glad that "B" is willing to "ride" with you on this journey, where you two will hopefully "cum" full circle and create more than a potential!!

Sharing Secrets said...

It is great to read you again—and what a post! I'm so very happy for you, for what this all means. And uh, I can't shake my head enough in sympathy for what you endured with your Ex, an undeserving man.

"B" on the other hand, sounds like you both are just getting filled to the rim with joy! Hoping that you get all the love and growth from this man to fill two life times.

(I'm tired, not sure I'm making sense....)

Fruit Taster said...

You are beautiful—and dare I say, hot. ;) Now you're getting the care and praise you deserve! Now you are seeing someone treating you normally, although it sounds downright fantastic when you describe it that way. I'm happy for you. :)

Regarding your ex, it never fails to blow my mind how so many women are treated poorly by guys who seem to think that they can get away with this stuff... No, it's not even that, it's that they don't even care to be happy. How can that be? How can they live with someone treating them like dirt, with all the tension and the emotional weight? Life is too short for this shit.

I hope your reprogramming goes well.

Cheers!

Lawless said...

Welcome back babe... it sounds like to me your ex is a swordswallower..... ;)

Calliope said...

Thank you for all your comments. I feel loved and missed. Lawless-I have thought that several times. ;)

Fruit Taster said...

I posted a new piece tonight after thinking some more today about your post.

Stuck in a Mold

Max said...

Beautiful post. Best wishes with the reprogramming. :-)

Big Geek said...

WOW! I am SOOO happy for you. What a Great post. Sad and hopeful. Sad that you endured such damaging programing but hopeful that you are re-writing all that with a wonderful lover... I am so so so happy for you!

plantpage said...

congrats on the new bf and for getting your juices going again

1manview said...

A mind is a terrible thing to waste, nice to see you got yours back. First step, love yourself and the rest will follow..

oscgor said...

I am glad you found somebody that shares the same passion. Somebody that allows you and encourage you to express yourself. Your EX is an idiot and a selfish person. There is nothing better than breakfast in bed. The skin is so soft. Enjoy the ride!!!

Anonymous said...

brinkka2011 says: *,very nice page, i certainly enjoy this website, keep on it, keeping on!

Anonymous said...

brinkka2011 says: Ive been meaning to read this and just never obtained a chance. Its an issue that Im very interested in, I just started reading and Im glad I did. Youre a excellent blogger, 1 of the finest that Ive seen. This weblog undoubtedly has some information on topic that I just wasnt aware of. Thanks for bringing this stuff to light.