Melissa Holder

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more. We are never so vulnerable as when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy.

Let's Role Play Baby......

My girlfriend out in Wyoming is bored with her sex life and suggested to her husband to spice things up they could engage in some role playing. His enthusiasm however was not returned.
If you are brave enough to PLAY, here are a few ideas.

Cop and Bad Guy/Girl

In this scenario, figure out who gets to be who. You can have any female or male combination that you’d like, so long as you keep a straight face and a pair of handcuffs handy. The partner playing the cop role may want to knock on the bedroom door and holler out, “Police, open up!” When the bad guy/girl answers the door, they can deny anything that they’re accused of. But in order to be thorough with his/her job as a cop, they may have to handcuff and perform a thorough strip search. And this means EVERYWHERE a weapon just might be found. Fun things to use include a cop uniform and a badge, handcuffs (of course), and even a play gun for effect. The bad guy/girl can plead for their innocence and offer to do ANYTHING to get out of the charges…and their clothes for that matter.

Doctor and Patient

Much like the cop scenario, partners get to choose roles to play. The doctor or nurse can also perform a very thorough examination of every part of the patient. Perhaps the doctor is trying to make sure that the patient can still have an orgasm, or a few. You can use a lab coat and a stethoscope for the doctor part. And those cold ends of the stethoscope can help to perk up a lot of places on the body, as well as the heart. And what if the insurance doesn’t cover the appointment? There’s sure to be something that the patient can work something out…

Arabian Nights

For a more ethnic and exotic role play, you can set up your own harem. This works out well with a male in the power position and the women as a part of the harem. Perhaps the woman has to perform for the man as he wishes her too— belly dancing and all. Or perhaps she is new to the harem and needs a little training as to how the master wishes her to behave and please him.

Stripper and Customer

Of course, many of the readers will automatically think that the woman will be in the stripper role, but this isn’t always necessary. Men can strip just as well. The customer can make sure that the stripper works for it. Perhaps a private show is in order if the stripper isn’t as pleasing as the customer had hoped. Wearing some provocative lingerie at this point is completely appropriate-- along with high heeled boots or shoes is a great touch.


While the issues of who gets to serve who is a little interesting. Women are always wonderful in the little French maid outfit, but what about the men? Well, they can always be the boy toy at the command of their woman. Have them do inane things, but make sure that they’re in the skimpiest of outfits. Lots of bending over and sexual favors are mandatory.

Naughty School Girl/Boy

If you’ve ever had a detention or just had to stay after school, you hoped that there was a way to make it more tolerable. Well, now you can live out that fantasy. No longer do you have to write your name over and over. The teacher can come up with other ways to work off the offense. And of course, the teacher will need some coercing into the ‘punishment.’

The Innocent

This role play works best with the woman in the innocent position, but men can be there as well. The person who is the innocent needs to unaware that they are being sexy. Perhaps they can wear something overly provocative, like a body stocking, under their clothing and when the other one finds this, they can ‘teach’ them about how to please someone or something else that they can do.

Boss and Employee

Most people have had the fantasy about their boss or a coworker, so why not bring that into the bedroom as well? Perhaps there’s been a bed performance review or something that has gone wrong, so the employee at fault needs to find a way to correct their actions. On the other hand, perhaps the employee can talk to the boss about being promoted and offer to help with the process.

Hooker and customer

This role play is much like the stripper, but you can be a little more saucy and risky with it. Perhaps you can have the woman walk the street near the house one night in a provocative outfit, short shorts etc and be ‘picked up’ by the man as though she were a prostitute. There would be a discussion of what services could be rendered as well as payment.

The stranger

Like the prostitute role play, you can take this one out of the bedroom. Arrange to meet each other in a certain bar, but then pretend to pick one of the other up. Play it off as though you know nothing about each other. And then go home and find out everything that you can.

Role playing ideas came from this website: 
Ps. feel free to write suggestions in the comments or more role playing ideas. I would love to hear what my readers like. Also the embedded poll did not work so please vote if you would engage in role play in the side bar!

Where did all the real men go?

The kind that knows what it means to lead but not dominate? The men who deserve respect, because they respects others. The kind that takes care of their women and children not out of obligation but out of desire to do right. Men now-a-days have no idea what HONOR even means. There use to be a time when uncommon valor was a common virtue. Not many people have true wholesome core values. Mannerism and morals have gone with the wind. Where are the true men that women want to love and kids looked up to?
Where are they?

Rules for the Dating Inept

After reading about my pitiful dating experiences The Detective humbly offered up a few dating rules to help guide me into a better dating experience. (These are discussed over drinks, of course.)

Rule #1: DO NOT do all of the talking.

While my honesty is a noble quality, apparently I give away all my secrets and leave nothing to mystery or intrigue. A guy can gain all the information needed on the first date to decide if he would like to have a second or have your number disappear into the great abyss.

Rule #2: A man will say and do ANYTHING to separate you from your under things.

Too much talking in my case is the “How to Guide” on separating me from my under things. Because I talk too damn much I tell a person exactly what I want, what I need, and how to make me bend to their will without even knowing I am giving all my secrets away.

He told me exactly what I needed to hear, hit me up when I was at my weakest, and he succeeded in separating me from my under things. Thank god the sex was good or at least what I can remember. *blush*

Rule #3: DO NOT believe everything.

Perhaps he will give me a few more rules, but I had to add this one. I too often forget that just because I am honest to a fault that does not mean I will always get honesty back. I have been screwed by that assumption more than once and I will undoubtedly again.

IF I give honesty I WANT honesty.

A Little Bit Stronger - Sara Evans

Today would have been thirteen years on January 13th. Every day I get a little bit stronger and look forward to all the new things life has to offer.

Catalyst- Anna Nalick

A catalyst is something that triggers a chemical reaction. It is beautiful the way it is used here in this song, because a catalyst is something that makes a chemical reaction occur rapidly where it might be otherwise impossible. All the ingredients can be there, but without the catalyst, there is no chemical reaction.

People and experiences shape who we are and who we become. It is funny how people can be the catalyst to so many of the decisions we make. Although we are completely responsible for those decisions, everyone plays a part.

January 2, 2010 my EX moved out of the house. January 3, 2010 I saw pictures of Parker with his new girlfriend even though he lied and said they were just friends attending a mutual friend’s birthday party. I realized that I would never be his. That he didn’t want me, he choose someone else. Those two events were the catalyst for January 4, 2010. I met Gi-Joe out by his car and was in his bed by night fall.

January 4, 2011 I was thinking about where I was mentally a year ago which made me think about Gi-Joe and Parker. It was like thinking about them willed them to contact me. I spoke to Gi-Joe earlier in the day around 5:00pm and Parker sent me a text message on January 4th around 9:30pm. (He reached out to me, not me to him which is out of character for him.)

It is still weird to me how thoughts of him can consume me and then BAM! out of the blue he will text me. It has happened numerous times before. I don’t know what his motivation was, what made him think of me right then but he did. Maybe thinking about the birthday party a year ago made him think of me?

Parker was the catalyst to several other events, he was a chemical reaction that made me a beautiful disaster. He was my crush and to this day I can not fathom the pull he has on me. I digress….. I am just saying the Ex, Parker and other things all led to why I fell into GI-Joe’s bed. They were the CATALYST! (However I have no regrets.)

When you say love is a simple chemical reaction
Can't say I agree
'Cause my chemical, yeah, left me a beautiful disaster
Still love's all I see
So I'm taking these pills for to fill up my soul
And I'm drinking them down with cheap alcohol
And you'd be inclined to be mine for the taking
And part of this terrible mess that I'm making
But you, you're the catalyst

DAMN Dating Is Brutal.......

I have the wants and needs of a woman and the dating know how of a teenage girl!

Text, Email & IM

I have to admit I am completely confused by the social constructs of dating. What is the point of having technology in the palm of your hand if the opposite sex refuses to take advantage of it? Dating has gotten even more confusing as technology has expanded.

If I text or email you because you texted or emailed me then I am interested. God knows if I respond or send another message before you respond I some how imply some form of desperation or desire to build a "relationship."

IN WHAT WORLD DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE?- it simply means I am interested so answer my damn text or email!

Why must you wait 3-5 days to respond? Why must I patiently wait those 3-5 days to see if you write back? Why must we play these games and do this dating ritual dance? If you are interested then fucking send a message so we can get to know each other. (Once I get to know you then I can reject you or you can reject me.)

I cannot read you mind, I am to old for games so why play this game of; If you or I respond quicker then some invisible time frame that exists that it means something that it doesn't?

Brutal Honesty vs. Polite Rejection

I went on a date on Monday to which I was informed I am basically "too" fat for his taste. (I am a size 12 BTW. Not fat but not thin.) Why could he have not just said at the end of the date, "I had a good time however I am not feeling it. I wish you the best." Instead he said. "You are a little fat for my taste. I am not interested and I am going through a lot so please don't contact me again." He was the one that contacted me and asked for the date.

I am all for honesty and despite the consensus my filter is broken I do hold back. I do not find the need to crush a person's spirit just because I have the power to.

Name Calling, Divulging to Much INFO & just Creepy

The Monday date "You are to fat" guy was not bad looking but he was no prince charming by any stretch of the imagination. He was going bald and informed me of his nylon fetish. That's right you heard me correctly. He loves nylons. Now I am a fan just like the next person. They make your legs look amazing, they feel silky when you stroke your hand up towards my thigh but not something one should divulge to much of on a first date but maybe that's just me.

Another guy said to me "MMmmm DADDY likes." Which as a single mother of two children just came across as creepy, not cute or sexy. Later the same guy called me a red neck. Anyone who knows me knows I am the farthest thing from a red neck and maybe that was why it was funny?

What is with the revealing to much, straight out asking a stranger if they want to be a fuck buddy and name calling when things aren't going your way? I mistakenly thought it would be easier to find a grown up in my 30's then when I was trying to date in my 20's. I thought dating someone in their 30's would lend to dating someone more mature, someone with some life experience and someone that had their shit together.

Perhaps it is just me and I am just not getting the humor or the tone of dating. I thought one was suppose to be putting their best foot forward and be in the, I want to impress you so you might take your cloths off stage.

Does it get any better?

Sagittarius Outlook for 2011

Year 2011 Romantic

When it rains it definitely pours Sag -- and this year it's raining romance. Love hits a serious high note in 2011 after what may have easily felt like a dry spell to rival all dry spells. Just when you thought there was no choice but to embrace your path as the eternal lone gypsy, along comes an unparalleled amount of planetary activity in your romance sector to spice up your love life. In fact, that's an understatement considering the amount of amorous energy going on in your horoscope from May onwards.
With the Moon, Mercury, Venus, Jupiter, and Uranus packing an explosive punch in your romance sector this spring (May 1 to be exact), love will find you. Try as you may to hide from Cupid's arrow, your time has come so you might as well give up the ghost. The passion and the challenge are what turn you on this year -- forget comfort zones and safety nets. You could easily meet your fiery match by May under the heavy Aries influence in your love sector. You certainly wont' attract any such variety of boring. Taking a risk and putting your heart on the line is what will give you the greatest success in love this year, so what are you waiting for?

With the Lunar Nodes activating your relationship sectors, dating and partnering take on a fated quality. You have that uncanny sense that you could meet a partner for the long haul and that's saying a lot considering how fiercely independent you have felt over the past several years. Love at first sight? Absolutely! The nice part about the nodal influence in your sign and opposite sign, Gemini, is that you can't really help but be on your destiny track in attracting an appropriate mate. The more you get out of your own way and let the chips just fall where they may, the more pleasantly surprised you'll be with how perfect everything seems to unfold in your love life. You can have it all, Sag. But then again, would you ever have it any other way?

Year 2011 Career

After delays, frustrations and disappointments in your career arena, the optimistic part of your nature refused to give up on the silver lining. Your deepest intuition insisted that better days had to lie ahead. Well, good news Sag: those better days are finally on the immediate horizon. All of your battles, trials and tribulations to get your work out into the public sphere haven't been in vain. You can and will make a name for yourself and the chances of you doing it over the course of 2011 are very strong indeed.

You've got the super powers of six planets in the fellow fire sign of Aries bringing amazing new energy to your sector of creativity and self-expression by the beginning of May. With such a dynamic display of planetary promise fueling your artistic talents, how can you possibly miss your mark? Work will definitely feel more like play, but by the amount of cash rolling in, you'll have no choice but to take even what feels like the most frivolous of your new projects seriously. Yes, it's a totally new approach to work, but doesn't it feel amazing to create rather than just produce? You're an artist -- not a factory.

Jupiter, your lucky planetary ruler enters your work sector this June bringing some brilliant new opportunities for you to make money and build something lasting and meaningful. The more beauty in your world the better, and with Jupiter entering Taurus, you'll have more than enough aesthetic influence to keep you grounded and inspired until 2012. You haven't felt this excited about your work in about 12 years, so count your lucky blessings, Sag. All in all, 2011 is going to be a stellar experience chock full of plenty of reasons to celebrate!

Your work life becomes extremely accelerated during your heavy Mars period in April when Mars enters your work sector and then again in November and December when Mars energizes your career sector. In any event, compared to 2010, this year will have very few if any lulls. Prepare for non-stop activity, newness and thrills (and yes, we are still talking about work -- fancy that!)