I came so hard last night I was climbing up the side of the bed railing. NOW that is what I call AMAZING!!!! Just had to share =)
My computer is finally fixed and I am hoping to be blogging again real soon. Thank you to everyone that continues to visit in hope that I have posted something new. I have several ideas bouncing around my head and next weekend I am free and home alone so it should give me some quality time to write. Hope everyone has a great weekend this weekend. =)

Reprograming our Hearts & Heads

After spending years with the same person we tend to be “programmed” by them. We know their likes and dislikes, things to avoid saying or doing. We become accustom to their way of thinking and even adopt it as our own. So how does one overwrite the old programming hit the reset button so to speak?

I am finally dating someone, someone with serious potential at a future and someone I absolutely adore. “B” is amazing in so many ways but I have to really work at not defaulting to my old programming.

When "B" gives me a compliment my first reaction is to dismiss it. Learning to accept it and say thank you is new. He makes me feel good and I want to believe he like me just as I am but the EX was a narcissist about his weight and appearance which made me continuously feel like I was not what he wanted.

The EX almost never wanted sex. We never did it during the day, my pleasure was never priority, he wanted me to be quiet, and numerous other little oddities. I use to want it all the time but I had to pled for it, beg, cry, even barter for sex so I became conditioned or "programmed" to not expect it.

“B” said; make noise, scream, talk dirty to me, tell me what you want me to do, let me know I am pleasuring you! He was so sincere and serious it made me smile and want to cum for him even more. He has an insatiable appetite. In less than a 24 hour time frame we can have sex and not just run of the mill sex but mind blowing really good sex three or four times. (Which I love, but I have to get use to the "update.")

The EX hated breasts! How does a guy hate boobs? “B” was over at the house and mentioned the bra hanging on the door knob. My gut instinct was to cower in shame for leaving it there and when he said it was a large bra I was scared he would think my breasts were ugly. Instead he said “I love them, they are perfect!” It is astounding how much my thinking was geared towards hating my own body.

It is time to get rid of the old programming, purify the heart and accept new data.


 This was taken from a fellow blogger but was worth the repost for those that actually know me since I am in the Apartment industry I found this to be funny. (As in the real rental of apartments not how mentioned here.)

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. Morning, before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment 'RENT FOR APARTMENT.' On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event had not been worth the price. So he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclose the following typed note:

'Dear Madam:

Enclosed find a check for $250 for rent of your apartment . I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was under the impression that:
#1 - it had never been occupied;
#2 - there was plenty of heat; and
#3 - it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.

However, I found out that:
#1 - it had been previously occupied,
#2 - there wasn't any heat, and
#3 - it was entirely too large.'

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note:

'Dear Sir:
#1 - I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
#2 - As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.
#3 - Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management. So, Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady...

March NST Part Two

March NST Part One

Just a short time earlier, she had told him she'd already gone to bed and to not bother. Yet, despite her protests, he convinced her to allow him to stop by. Dane stepped into the foyer so Chloe could close the door.

Taking a moment he noticed her appearance. Her hair was a little rumpled; all traces of make-up had been removed and he knew she slept naked, so she must have put the cami/panty set on to answer the door. She had never looked more inviting to him then right at that moment.

Chloe raised her eyes and looked right through him. "I am a little mad at you!" Before he could speak, she turned on her heel and started up the steps. A smirk that was bordering on a smile crossed her lips, but Dane couldn't see it.

"I don't think I will allow you to have anal sex as your punishment” casually throwing the words over her shoulder.

Chloe was two stairs ahead of him, which made it easy for him to slide his hand up the back of her thighs and cup her butt cheeks. He could hear the sharp intake of breath. Pausing on the step she turned so she could slap Dane’s hand away, but he caught her wrist and held on to it tighter than what was necessary.

Dane, keeping his balance, took the other hand and snaked it around the back of her neck tangling a little bit of her hair into his fingers. He pulled her face to face with him and looked her dead in the eye before pressing his lips hard to hers.

Chloe leaned into him because it was either that or risk falling, but her anger was beginning to build. His kiss at first was punishing. Dane pushed his tongue against her closed lips, but as he loosened the grip on the back of her neck she melted into him.

Her knees felt about to give out, she sat down on to the step. "It honestly could not be helped." He paused then took a deep breath, "I am sorry."

He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. Dane trailed his fingers down the side of her cheek. She nuzzled her head towards him. He then slipped a finger beneath the cami strap following the length of it to the golden orbs. He loved her breasts. They were large and beautiful. He liked the way her nipples would always peak instantaneously to his touch.

Dane pulled the cami straps down and took a nipple into his mouth whilst his other hand gently cupped the other. The full heaviness felt great in his palm. His tongue flicking against the taunt flesh and hearing a moan escape Chloe’s throat made him smile around the nipple much like an infant does.

Pulling back he released her breast and trailed his hand down the inside of her thigh. Her scent rose from her damp panties to his nose. “I must taste that.” His tone devilish......

Booty Call Etiquette

Contemplating calling up The Detective for a booty call  prompted a conversation with a friend about the proper etiquette of doing so. I interviewed several people and these are the rules that seem to come up frequently.

My personal #1 rule is: LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION! I would much rather booty call at his place then at mine. When I am at his place and I go to leave I am leaving on my own terms where as if he is at my place it somehow seems more hurtful even though we are both adults and were clear on the terms. A secondary part of location is that your friends with benifits partner should be with in a 10-15 mile radias or you risk losing interest because it is not convenient when the desire hits you.

Be Prepared: A modern man should come prepared! Know if she is on birth control, have condoms, be recently tested. Be smart and SAFE!

Build Up & Wind Down: Although it has been established that you are in fact friends with benefits still you need to give a girl a little consideration. Do not rush her straight into the bedroom. Offer her a glass of wine or something and when it is all said and done give her a few minutes to breath, straighten her hair, retouch up her make-up and get redressed. Rushing her out the door is rude and will likely end your booty call privileges.

Be Discrete: If you see each other out in public be polite but discrete. Do not joke or make innuendos about how you might know each other. You each have other lives separate from each other and it is NO ones business how you may know one another.

Look Good: Just because it is a booty call does not mean you shouldn't be showered and smell good for the other person. You want to be attractive to the other person so the act is enjoyable for both. Wash up the areas you are wanting the other to pay attention to. (Especially when it comes to anal.)

Expect Nothing: Most of the men and woman I interviewed said their number one rule was never spend the night. To not expect anything from the other person. If you have plans to hook-up and something comes up you don't get to get mad or jealous after all this is just a friends with benefits thing not a relationship.

Do NOT Abuse the booty call: Calling or texting on occasion is fine but each person has a right to refuse or end it without explanations or hurt feelings. If you are hooking-up with your booty call to often then you are no longer actively searching for someone to be with.

It Can’t Be Done With Just Anyone: A booty call is not a one night stand. Picking up a stranger at the bar does not count as a booty call. A proper booty call partner is someone that you’ve had sex with in the past, but have not had a close relationship with, someone that has no illusions about creating a commitment out of a fling and someone you like, but don’t think you could fall in love with. 

Be Open & Honest: Having emotionally unattached sex can be emotionally taxing. Be honest with yourself and with your booty call partner. Keeping one partner for an extended period of time may cause feelings to develop on one side or possibly both sides. Honesty is imperative to keep this situation casual and appropriate.

Rihanna - S&M

Feeling a little naughty today and this song was playing on the radio on my way to work. It struck a chord with me. ""Cause I may be bad, but I am PERFECTLY good at it!"

March NST Part One

Stepping out onto the balcony Chloe took a deep breath, not yet spring but there was a direct stirring of the senses. Tipping her face up to the sky she allowed the rain to take some of the heat from her face. The week had been ever so long and she was glad it was over.

The clouds were hanging low in the sky and all the lightening had disappeared. The city lights unable to escape the atmosphere created the illusion of a secondary sunset. The air smelled like wet plastic and the crickets were talking. Her toes splashed the tiny pools of water that had gathered in certain spots, serving as a therapeutic release.

The air was brisk but not cool or cold and the rain drops were subtle and felt nice. The door bell broke the spell causing her to reenter the house. Snatching up her robe from the end of the couch she headed to the stairs to answer the door.

There were thirteen stairs before she reached the landing and with every step she took a deep breath to steady her nerves. Reaching for the dead bolt the clicking sound echoed in the otherwise silent foyer. Squaring her shoulders she stepped backwards as she pulled open the door.

“Hello Dane I have been expecting you for hours.”

Sunday Sins

I stole the idea from That Girl and Marcus 
(Running a little behind everyone else. February was kind of an insane month for me.)

Pride- (Great things about yourself)

I am a PHENOMENAL mom.
I can keep anyone’s secret and take it to the grave.
Give good advice
A genuine understanding of the human condition capable of seeing another's point of view.
My breasts “I think” are my best feature.
Piercing eyes
Soft cashmere skin.

Envy- (Things you lack and covet.)

A man to truly SEE me and desire me.
To write like some of my favorite authors.
A perfect size 8 body.
Eat whatever I damn well please and not gain a pound.
Just enough money to not have to worry but not so much I forget who I am.
A job I love and make good money doing it. (guess that goes hand in hand with the one above.)
A lake house, country house, or vacation home somewhere.

Wrath- (Things that piss you off.)

People that have NO spine.
Lack of organization.
Waiting for late people- Flakiness
Having the dishwasher loaded incorrectly.
Fake people

Sloth- (Things you neglect to do.)

Get enough sleep.
Keep a clean house.
Work as hard as I should at my job.
Eat healthy.
Feed my children a healthy meal.
Help them with homework as much as I should.
Get my oil changed when the time comes.

Greed- (Worldly material desires.)

A Disney Cruise or vaction of some sort
A kindle and an Ibook-laptop of some sort to make writing easier
More shoes- A girl can NEVER have enough.
Clothes to fit my perfect size 8 body that I am working on getting but may never have.
Have my house be paid for.
Savings account that has more then $50.00 in it.
A car for my kids.

Gluttony- (Guilty pleasures.)

Reading & Writing
Hot fresh baked cookies.
Rainy afternoons spent in bed with someone.
Removing the staples from my bosses stapler.

Lust- (Love secrets or desires.)

For orgasms to actually cum to me as easily as I write that they do.
Parker-The object of my obsession for far too long.
Olivia-My vibrator- our relationship needs to go on hiatis so I can have a real one.
Being pinned and taken.
To be touched and carressed.
Giving blow jobs is enjoyable to me.
Lastly I lust for a kiss that stirs something in me.

The Gym

I have been working out for two years now on a fairly consistent bases. There of course have been lapses in my routine, but for me it was always a solitary activity. You get to know the faces at the gym and when people stop coming or when new people arrive. January is always interesting because you have your “New Year’s Resolution” people. They never stick around for very long and are almost always gone by March.

I have noticed more and more couples around the gym. It is nice to see honestly. Sometimes they work out together while at other times they are on opposite sides of the gym. The point is that they want to spend a little extra time in their day together and also fit in a work out.

The couples do not strictly apply to man and woman. There are these two women that come almost every day and talk and cycle together. They act as if they have known each other for years. They look at magazines of food and fitness while idly chatting.

Of course one must not forget the gaggle of women that walk the track together. They walk and cackle about what I am unsure but in my head it is southern recipes and the latest gossip. While they are dressed in workout clothes if I close my eyes I can envision them in big debutante dresses and straw hats with ribbons. Instead of an indoor track it is a walk around a garden complaining about the neighbor up the street and commenting on the blooming magnolia trees.

The two black guys that I see often working out together are a particular interest for me. I am unsure if they are just weight lifting buddies or more. There is a sincere friendship I see between them, a genuine kindness. They may be brothers or childhood friends, perhaps even partners. Either way the sincerity between them is palpable.

A lot of times the person next to me at the gym is the guy I deemed “Santa”. He is older and could pass as a slightly skinnier version and sweats like crazy but the harder he works out the harder his deodorant works for him. Whatever he wears actually smells really good.

Then there is “Hot Workout Guy” that I see on occasion. I finally learned his name, not from him of course but he has gorgeous calves. He often runs on the treadmill in front of me. A very nice incentive to stick to working out but he too seems to be a very solitary person. He nods his head in greeting to others when said hello too but never stands around engaging in conversation. When he speaks it is very soft and one must strain to hear him. He appears to be quite athletic and outdoorsy. I really am intrigued as to what his story is. Curious if he is from here or from somewhere else. His appearance strikes me as something I would find in Boulder, Seattle, perhaps even Portland but not here.

Lastly there is this really tall, kind of too thin but nice looking dad. I first noticed him in my spinning class last year but then he disappeared. He reappeared recently, not sure if something has changed in his life but he seems sadder and more solitary then he had before.

There are many others but these are the familiar faces I have noticed at the gym every morning at 5:30am.

Elizabeth Barret Browning

How Do I Love Thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being an ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,--I love thee with the Breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!--and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Erogenous Zones

An erogenous zone (from Greek ἔρως eros "love" and English -genous "producing" from Greek -γενής -genes "born") is an area of the human body that has heightened sensitivity, the stimulation of which may result in the production of erotic sensations or sexual excitement.

(I love tying Greek Mythology and facts into my blog.)

Erogenous zones are highly sensitive areas of the body. Although everyone has different level of sensitivity as well as different erogenous zones, stimulation of erogenous zones usually leads to sexual arousal and intense erotic sensations.

10. Inner Thighs: The inside of the thighs are highly sensitive to touching, stroking and licking. Just like the back of the knees, inner thighs also have many nerve endings, therefore when you fondle them, you will turn her on like crazy. For me if I am having solo action I usually squeeze mine right as I cum. For some reason it makes the orgasm more intense.

9. Behind the Knees and the inside of the elbow: Who would have guessed the elbows and the back of knees were sensitive to touch? A little caressing of these areas with your fingertips will sure bring an interested smile across my face. One of the best ways to get me all wet and geared up for intimacy is the foreplay. I love my legs caressed. Slow strokes from my ankle to the top of my thigh. Up and down.

8. Buttocks:Yes, it's true. Lots of women like it when you play around with their behinds. A lot of women like mild spanking (me included) and squeezing of the buttocks. I also love it to be caressed and lightly scratched.

7. Nape of the Neck: Just breathing on this part of her body will give her goose bumps all over. Use your hands too; lift her hair up gently as you bring your mouth closer to her neck. Kiss her softly, bite gently.

6. Ears: Many women enjoy having their ears licked, sucked or kissed. I also like it when you whisper nice things or sometimes even silly things.

5. Feet: Many women enjoy having their feet touched, massaged and some even enjoy having them licked and sucked. I have a friend that loves to give me foot massages and to suck on my toes. I have to admit as he is the only one to have done it but I kind of like it. I think it is more of a sexual charge and turn on for him then it is for me but it is very nice for me too. (Perhaps a post is in order on this person.)

4. Wrists: This may come as a shock to most guys, but women love having their wrists nuzzled and nibbled by their lovers. The next time you're getting into the foreplay of things with your woman, begin kissing and caressing her wrists and just check out how impressed and turned on she'll become!

3. Breasts & Nipples: As I'm sure is no surprise to anyone, the breasts are very sexually sensitive and gentle fondling, squeezing, caressing, licking and sucking of the nipples can be extremely arousing. I could just lie still for hours and have someone caress mine. Slow circles around the whole globe to a flat palm going back and forth across the nipple. Pinching it and keeping it erect.

2. Vagina/Clitoris: The clitoris can be stimulated by using the tongue, the finger or, for the multi-talented man, both simultaneously. Please see She Comes First for the proper How-To Guide.

1. Lips: Yes, it's true. If you know how to manipulate her lips just right through kissing, licking, sucking and biting, it is very possible that a kiss will lead to a lot more than that. For many women a kiss means a lot. I have had men that were terrible kissers and as a number one turn one it is really hard when the guys suck at it. Thus far no one has ignited me the way Parker did but a good kiss or a terrible one can be a deal breaker!

(The real key is caressing, touching, wanting and showing returned desire!)


-of great mass; huge and bulky

This word is completly under-used and under-appriciated =) just sayin.

Bloody Hell...My Favorite Tampons are missing!!!!

I am crampy, my lady parts are swollen and pulsating and apparently OB no longer makes tampons, WTF?!?!?!

I am distraught, confused, I feel like I lost my best friend. I have been using OB tampons for over sixteen years.

I awoke Tuesday morning running late and my cycle came fast and furious. I went to grab one from the box and saw there was only one left. I usually only have to buy them every other month. I made a mental note to make sure I ran to the store prior to heading to work.

I got the boys all off to school, finished getting ready, called ahead to work to let the boss know I would be a few minutes late and I headed to Wal-Mart. I knew what I need so I headed right to the aisle to where they have always been but they were not there.

I was thinking, “Great they rearrange stuff again? Not today I am in a hurry!” I strolled up and down the aisle growing more frantic by the second.

“WHERE ARE THEY?” I cursed under my breath. I found myself having a lady tantrum in the personal hygiene aisle. Irritated I set out to find a Wal-Mart person. When I finally set eyes on one I walked up to her and( looking back admittedly I probably rudely) asked, Where the heck are the OB tampons?”

This short little foreign lady looks at me and says, “"Haven't you heard on the news? They discontinued them however you can get them on eBay for about $75.00."

Black market tampons? SERIOUSLY????? On top of that her little condescending tone was about to push me over the edge.

If I had known they were going to quit making them I would have stock piled them! I will not take this change well :(

Melissa Holder

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more. We are never so vulnerable as when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy.

Let's Role Play Baby......

My girlfriend out in Wyoming is bored with her sex life and suggested to her husband to spice things up they could engage in some role playing. His enthusiasm however was not returned.
If you are brave enough to PLAY, here are a few ideas.

Cop and Bad Guy/Girl

In this scenario, figure out who gets to be who. You can have any female or male combination that you’d like, so long as you keep a straight face and a pair of handcuffs handy. The partner playing the cop role may want to knock on the bedroom door and holler out, “Police, open up!” When the bad guy/girl answers the door, they can deny anything that they’re accused of. But in order to be thorough with his/her job as a cop, they may have to handcuff and perform a thorough strip search. And this means EVERYWHERE a weapon just might be found. Fun things to use include a cop uniform and a badge, handcuffs (of course), and even a play gun for effect. The bad guy/girl can plead for their innocence and offer to do ANYTHING to get out of the charges…and their clothes for that matter.

Doctor and Patient

Much like the cop scenario, partners get to choose roles to play. The doctor or nurse can also perform a very thorough examination of every part of the patient. Perhaps the doctor is trying to make sure that the patient can still have an orgasm, or a few. You can use a lab coat and a stethoscope for the doctor part. And those cold ends of the stethoscope can help to perk up a lot of places on the body, as well as the heart. And what if the insurance doesn’t cover the appointment? There’s sure to be something that the patient can work something out…

Arabian Nights

For a more ethnic and exotic role play, you can set up your own harem. This works out well with a male in the power position and the women as a part of the harem. Perhaps the woman has to perform for the man as he wishes her too— belly dancing and all. Or perhaps she is new to the harem and needs a little training as to how the master wishes her to behave and please him.

Stripper and Customer

Of course, many of the readers will automatically think that the woman will be in the stripper role, but this isn’t always necessary. Men can strip just as well. The customer can make sure that the stripper works for it. Perhaps a private show is in order if the stripper isn’t as pleasing as the customer had hoped. Wearing some provocative lingerie at this point is completely appropriate-- along with high heeled boots or shoes is a great touch.


While the issues of who gets to serve who is a little interesting. Women are always wonderful in the little French maid outfit, but what about the men? Well, they can always be the boy toy at the command of their woman. Have them do inane things, but make sure that they’re in the skimpiest of outfits. Lots of bending over and sexual favors are mandatory.

Naughty School Girl/Boy

If you’ve ever had a detention or just had to stay after school, you hoped that there was a way to make it more tolerable. Well, now you can live out that fantasy. No longer do you have to write your name over and over. The teacher can come up with other ways to work off the offense. And of course, the teacher will need some coercing into the ‘punishment.’

The Innocent

This role play works best with the woman in the innocent position, but men can be there as well. The person who is the innocent needs to unaware that they are being sexy. Perhaps they can wear something overly provocative, like a body stocking, under their clothing and when the other one finds this, they can ‘teach’ them about how to please someone or something else that they can do.

Boss and Employee

Most people have had the fantasy about their boss or a coworker, so why not bring that into the bedroom as well? Perhaps there’s been a bed performance review or something that has gone wrong, so the employee at fault needs to find a way to correct their actions. On the other hand, perhaps the employee can talk to the boss about being promoted and offer to help with the process.

Hooker and customer

This role play is much like the stripper, but you can be a little more saucy and risky with it. Perhaps you can have the woman walk the street near the house one night in a provocative outfit, short shorts etc and be ‘picked up’ by the man as though she were a prostitute. There would be a discussion of what services could be rendered as well as payment.

The stranger

Like the prostitute role play, you can take this one out of the bedroom. Arrange to meet each other in a certain bar, but then pretend to pick one of the other up. Play it off as though you know nothing about each other. And then go home and find out everything that you can.

Role playing ideas came from this website: http://ezinearticles.com/?10-Suggestions-for-Themed-Role-plays-to-Spice-up-Your-Bedroom 
Ps. feel free to write suggestions in the comments or more role playing ideas. I would love to hear what my readers like. Also the embedded poll did not work so please vote if you would engage in role play in the side bar!

Where did all the real men go?

The kind that knows what it means to lead but not dominate? The men who deserve respect, because they respects others. The kind that takes care of their women and children not out of obligation but out of desire to do right. Men now-a-days have no idea what HONOR even means. There use to be a time when uncommon valor was a common virtue. Not many people have true wholesome core values. Mannerism and morals have gone with the wind. Where are the true men that women want to love and kids looked up to?
Where are they?

Rules for the Dating Inept

After reading about my pitiful dating experiences The Detective humbly offered up a few dating rules to help guide me into a better dating experience. (These are discussed over drinks, of course.)

Rule #1: DO NOT do all of the talking.

While my honesty is a noble quality, apparently I give away all my secrets and leave nothing to mystery or intrigue. A guy can gain all the information needed on the first date to decide if he would like to have a second or have your number disappear into the great abyss.

Rule #2: A man will say and do ANYTHING to separate you from your under things.

Too much talking in my case is the “How to Guide” on separating me from my under things. Because I talk too damn much I tell a person exactly what I want, what I need, and how to make me bend to their will without even knowing I am giving all my secrets away.

He told me exactly what I needed to hear, hit me up when I was at my weakest, and he succeeded in separating me from my under things. Thank god the sex was good or at least what I can remember. *blush*

Rule #3: DO NOT believe everything.

Perhaps he will give me a few more rules, but I had to add this one. I too often forget that just because I am honest to a fault that does not mean I will always get honesty back. I have been screwed by that assumption more than once and I will undoubtedly again.

IF I give honesty I WANT honesty.

A Little Bit Stronger - Sara Evans

Today would have been thirteen years on January 13th. Every day I get a little bit stronger and look forward to all the new things life has to offer.

Catalyst- Anna Nalick

A catalyst is something that triggers a chemical reaction. It is beautiful the way it is used here in this song, because a catalyst is something that makes a chemical reaction occur rapidly where it might be otherwise impossible. All the ingredients can be there, but without the catalyst, there is no chemical reaction.

People and experiences shape who we are and who we become. It is funny how people can be the catalyst to so many of the decisions we make. Although we are completely responsible for those decisions, everyone plays a part.

January 2, 2010 my EX moved out of the house. January 3, 2010 I saw pictures of Parker with his new girlfriend even though he lied and said they were just friends attending a mutual friend’s birthday party. I realized that I would never be his. That he didn’t want me, he choose someone else. Those two events were the catalyst for January 4, 2010. I met Gi-Joe out by his car and was in his bed by night fall.

January 4, 2011 I was thinking about where I was mentally a year ago which made me think about Gi-Joe and Parker. It was like thinking about them willed them to contact me. I spoke to Gi-Joe earlier in the day around 5:00pm and Parker sent me a text message on January 4th around 9:30pm. (He reached out to me, not me to him which is out of character for him.)

It is still weird to me how thoughts of him can consume me and then BAM! out of the blue he will text me. It has happened numerous times before. I don’t know what his motivation was, what made him think of me right then but he did. Maybe thinking about the birthday party a year ago made him think of me?

Parker was the catalyst to several other events, he was a chemical reaction that made me a beautiful disaster. He was my crush and to this day I can not fathom the pull he has on me. I digress….. I am just saying the Ex, Parker and other things all led to why I fell into GI-Joe’s bed. They were the CATALYST! (However I have no regrets.)

When you say love is a simple chemical reaction
Can't say I agree
'Cause my chemical, yeah, left me a beautiful disaster
Still love's all I see
So I'm taking these pills for to fill up my soul
And I'm drinking them down with cheap alcohol
And you'd be inclined to be mine for the taking
And part of this terrible mess that I'm making
But you, you're the catalyst

DAMN Dating Is Brutal.......

I have the wants and needs of a woman and the dating know how of a teenage girl!

Text, Email & IM

I have to admit I am completely confused by the social constructs of dating. What is the point of having technology in the palm of your hand if the opposite sex refuses to take advantage of it? Dating has gotten even more confusing as technology has expanded.

If I text or email you because you texted or emailed me then I am interested. God knows if I respond or send another message before you respond I some how imply some form of desperation or desire to build a "relationship."

IN WHAT WORLD DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE?- it simply means I am interested so answer my damn text or email!

Why must you wait 3-5 days to respond? Why must I patiently wait those 3-5 days to see if you write back? Why must we play these games and do this dating ritual dance? If you are interested then fucking send a message so we can get to know each other. (Once I get to know you then I can reject you or you can reject me.)

I cannot read you mind, I am to old for games so why play this game of; If you or I respond quicker then some invisible time frame that exists that it means something that it doesn't?

Brutal Honesty vs. Polite Rejection

I went on a date on Monday to which I was informed I am basically "too" fat for his taste. (I am a size 12 BTW. Not fat but not thin.) Why could he have not just said at the end of the date, "I had a good time however I am not feeling it. I wish you the best." Instead he said. "You are a little fat for my taste. I am not interested and I am going through a lot so please don't contact me again." He was the one that contacted me and asked for the date.

I am all for honesty and despite the consensus my filter is broken I do hold back. I do not find the need to crush a person's spirit just because I have the power to.

Name Calling, Divulging to Much INFO & just Creepy

The Monday date "You are to fat" guy was not bad looking but he was no prince charming by any stretch of the imagination. He was going bald and informed me of his nylon fetish. That's right you heard me correctly. He loves nylons. Now I am a fan just like the next person. They make your legs look amazing, they feel silky when you stroke your hand up towards my thigh but not something one should divulge to much of on a first date but maybe that's just me.

Another guy said to me "MMmmm DADDY likes." Which as a single mother of two children just came across as creepy, not cute or sexy. Later the same guy called me a red neck. Anyone who knows me knows I am the farthest thing from a red neck and maybe that was why it was funny?

What is with the revealing to much, straight out asking a stranger if they want to be a fuck buddy and name calling when things aren't going your way? I mistakenly thought it would be easier to find a grown up in my 30's then when I was trying to date in my 20's. I thought dating someone in their 30's would lend to dating someone more mature, someone with some life experience and someone that had their shit together.

Perhaps it is just me and I am just not getting the humor or the tone of dating. I thought one was suppose to be putting their best foot forward and be in the, I want to impress you so you might take your cloths off stage.

Does it get any better?

Sagittarius Outlook for 2011

Year 2011 Romantic

When it rains it definitely pours Sag -- and this year it's raining romance. Love hits a serious high note in 2011 after what may have easily felt like a dry spell to rival all dry spells. Just when you thought there was no choice but to embrace your path as the eternal lone gypsy, along comes an unparalleled amount of planetary activity in your romance sector to spice up your love life. In fact, that's an understatement considering the amount of amorous energy going on in your horoscope from May onwards.
With the Moon, Mercury, Venus, Jupiter, and Uranus packing an explosive punch in your romance sector this spring (May 1 to be exact), love will find you. Try as you may to hide from Cupid's arrow, your time has come so you might as well give up the ghost. The passion and the challenge are what turn you on this year -- forget comfort zones and safety nets. You could easily meet your fiery match by May under the heavy Aries influence in your love sector. You certainly wont' attract any such variety of boring. Taking a risk and putting your heart on the line is what will give you the greatest success in love this year, so what are you waiting for?

With the Lunar Nodes activating your relationship sectors, dating and partnering take on a fated quality. You have that uncanny sense that you could meet a partner for the long haul and that's saying a lot considering how fiercely independent you have felt over the past several years. Love at first sight? Absolutely! The nice part about the nodal influence in your sign and opposite sign, Gemini, is that you can't really help but be on your destiny track in attracting an appropriate mate. The more you get out of your own way and let the chips just fall where they may, the more pleasantly surprised you'll be with how perfect everything seems to unfold in your love life. You can have it all, Sag. But then again, would you ever have it any other way?

Year 2011 Career

After delays, frustrations and disappointments in your career arena, the optimistic part of your nature refused to give up on the silver lining. Your deepest intuition insisted that better days had to lie ahead. Well, good news Sag: those better days are finally on the immediate horizon. All of your battles, trials and tribulations to get your work out into the public sphere haven't been in vain. You can and will make a name for yourself and the chances of you doing it over the course of 2011 are very strong indeed.

You've got the super powers of six planets in the fellow fire sign of Aries bringing amazing new energy to your sector of creativity and self-expression by the beginning of May. With such a dynamic display of planetary promise fueling your artistic talents, how can you possibly miss your mark? Work will definitely feel more like play, but by the amount of cash rolling in, you'll have no choice but to take even what feels like the most frivolous of your new projects seriously. Yes, it's a totally new approach to work, but doesn't it feel amazing to create rather than just produce? You're an artist -- not a factory.

Jupiter, your lucky planetary ruler enters your work sector this June bringing some brilliant new opportunities for you to make money and build something lasting and meaningful. The more beauty in your world the better, and with Jupiter entering Taurus, you'll have more than enough aesthetic influence to keep you grounded and inspired until 2012. You haven't felt this excited about your work in about 12 years, so count your lucky blessings, Sag. All in all, 2011 is going to be a stellar experience chock full of plenty of reasons to celebrate!

Your work life becomes extremely accelerated during your heavy Mars period in April when Mars enters your work sector and then again in November and December when Mars energizes your career sector. In any event, compared to 2010, this year will have very few if any lulls. Prepare for non-stop activity, newness and thrills (and yes, we are still talking about work -- fancy that!)