You Learn

I was talking to a friend yesterday and asked him how he was doing. He is twenty years old and for the last two years been seeing a woman nearly twenty years his senior. They broke up a couple of months ago and he is trying to figure out his place in the world and how to date people his own age.

I was trying to explain to him that you never stop learning, growing, evolving. You get one shot at this life and it is what you make of it. I told him all the things people need to hear after getting their heart broken. Even though they have heard all those things before sometimes we just need to be reassured.

This got me thinking about the men that have come in and out of my life. From each one I have learned something new about my self and about relationships. From my EX I learned about true friendship. I learned about myself and coming into my own sexuality. We grew in to adulthood through trial and error. We faced hardships together, ups and downs, money issues, job loss, moves across the country and how to be the best parents we could be. I also learned it was ok to ask for more, to feel like I deserved more then being cast in the shadows and ignored.

From Parker I learned what it was to be kissed passionately. To truly understand lust and all that it entails. To have those butterflies in your stomach and how a simple touch can make your skin feel on fire. To become weak in the knees and over whelmed by desire. I also learned that desiring someone and being desired by them is wonderful but there has to be more then just lust.

From GI-Joe I learned to like my body a little bit more just the way it is. That my own perceived flaws may not be perceived as flaws by someone else. I learned that while I was not looking for anything serious, that what I had with him was to-too casual. Sex can be just sex but it is even better when you are invested, even just a little. I want to be "seen" I am a person, an amazing person at that. I am not asking for you to fall in love with me but to at least "see" me as a person that has their own story, scars and casualties. I learned that you can fill up the void but without sincere interest it begins to feel hollow.

From The Chef I am learning what it is to be spoiled and taken care of in the small little ways. That it is ok to lean on someone. I am finding out that letting someone else make the decisions for a change is nice. Something as simple as where to eat or what bottle of wine we are having. To have someone adore you and dote on you. To have someone care about your passions and interests and want to hear your stories with fresh ears. To have great conversation that is effortless. To be around someone for the soul reason that being around them feels good.

Every day we learn and evolve. The choices are not always easy but we learn. Every tear shed, every love lost, every scream that tears from our throat, with every good-bye we learn.

I have no doubt that I will have several more good-byes but I plan to keep learning from each one.


Fruit Taster said...

I was talking with Her about your post this afternoon. It got us talking about our exes and what we learned through them. She was surprised that I couldn't really identify much that I learned from my ex, other than what I didn't want to be. My ex didn't know who she was, and I thought I did but really didn't. The best I could come up with is that I learned that I function better with someone who is my opposite than someone who is like me.

That's all I had, even though I was with my ex for 8 years. Yet I readily can name things I learned from much shorter relationships I had after I left my ex. I explain that by the fact that this was a time of discovery, of feeling alive and finally understanding who I really am. The context makes a world of difference.

It's not bad to find out what you don't want to be, but that doesn't help that much when there are a zillion possibilities for what you can be.

What I saw in your revelations is a desire to see the positive side of things. More understanding of who you are is what you get when you don't get what you want. And I respect that.

Calliope said...

Fruit Taster,

"More understanding of who you are is what you get when you don't get what you want."

Thank you for saying this. I really do try. I am trying to evolve into a person of substance. A person that can learn from mistakes, not hold onto animosity. I truly believe that every person that comes in and out of our lives help shape who we become. They influence us and more than anything we can choose how those experiences shape us. Good or bad we choose.

cjn said...

You are so right... Life is a learning process, we never stop... when we stop learning we stop living... The ups and downs of each day, the sweet and sour of each relationship and the remembered and lost of each moment are what keep us going.

If every person was alike, how would we function?? In part the differences of each human being are what make this world go round.

I am sad that you and your ex had to face the end of your marriage, but happy that through that ending, you have a new beginning. An honest ability to see the world through fresh eyes. Experience life and people in a new way. Endless possibilities and all the time in the world to meet forever.