In a previous post I wrote about The Art Of Intimacy. My intentions when I wrote the piece was to remind couples to notice the small things; however what I failed to realize was the perception of what one person believes is an intimate act may not be perceived as intimate by another. This raised an interesting question; how can I expect my partner to know that engaging in these acts show trust or that they should be viewed as an honor if their perception varies from mine?

Lighting a few candles and allowing the hot water to melt the stress away is divine after a long day. No matter if it is the beginning of the day and I am getting ready for work or it is the end of the day; washing my hair, shaving and soaping up every inch of my body is a very private act.

When I choose to shower with someone I am inviting them into my quiet hiding place. It is an extremely intimate act that has nothing or very little to do with sex or being sexy but more of a way to get lost in each other for a few moments of every day.

I know in that twenty or thirty minutes I have your undivided attention. The world cannot touch us. No emails to check, phones ringing, clients demanding attention, kids wanting something, it is just you and me and the hot water cascading around us. I am asking you to share my space, my private time and tell me about your day.

The idea of sleeping next to someone, lying in their arms, and waking up beside them to me is more intimate then sex. To let your guard down and trust that person enough to sleep next to them, to know you will wake looking nothing like when you went to bed. Knowing that you may snore, kick, talk in your sleep, sweat, or god forbid fart while sleeping next to this person, (to me the idea of embarrassing myself is mortifying) so this act is reserved for someone very important to me.

I am not prone to turning on the "water works" to get my way. I would rather take a beating or my punishment whatever that may be than have someone see me be vulnerable and cry. I do not ever like looking weak in front of anyone. Not my friends, my family, my kids, my co-workers, not anyone so if you see me tear up or cry to me that should speak volumes about how I feel about you as a person.

Intimacy is so much deeper then just lowering your inhibitions with someone. Regardless if it dancing or something sexual there is the risk that they will think you are foolish or freaky. There is the risk of being judged by someone you trust and care about which is why if I do lower my guard an engage in some of these things that I hold sacred it is a big freakin deal.

Each person has their own set of preconceived ideas of what is intimate and sacred, I would love to know your thoughts and add to my list. I have several more but.... you know some things I don't share easily.


Fruit Taster said...

This is an awesome post!

That reminds me when I told someone, many years ago, that reality is not what's important. It's the perception that people have of something that really matters. As young as I was, I guess I wasn't that dumb after all. ;)

I especially love your shower example. I never realized it but it's true, that for that time you're in the shower, you have each other's undivided attention, unlike many other times throughout the day. What a nice observation. Gives me a renewed sense of respect for the times that She and I shower together.

One thing that jumps to mind as intimate or sacred for me is the sharing of my thoughts. There are thoughts I allow myself to voice only in her presence. I'm not revealing any great secrets, but I'm generally pretty private with my thoughts and opinions (no kidding) with people in general. I just like to fly under the radar until I feel ready to commit to being more vocal, and I need to know She understands and respects that.

Calliope said...

Another is that I have yet to invite a man to come to my house. I NEVER had a man in the house if my ex was not present. It was inappropriate. To me this means something! Not necessarily that we are getting "serious" but again it shows trust in my eyes. The first time I sleep with someone in the bed I use to share with my ex will be a big deal, an old demon to overcome, so to me it extends a trust that I have not extended lightly.

cjn said...

Intimacy means so many things to so many people... even has 8 unique definitions of the word!!! That says something in itself.

I have a memory of the showers I once shared with someone.... the simple idea of washing each other's hair was sensual, but fulfilling... the one night I shared a bed with this person, I don't remember anything sexual in the experience, but just being there in the bed with this person all night long and knowing that the night would pass as we slept beside each other, but in the morning, the real world would be back staring us in the face once again. Memories of a time, when I did not realize how to really appreciate the simple things and to feel myself in the moment... Oh to be young and naive again.

Back to intimacy... I have been married for almost 6 years and my husband has never once been allowed in the bathroom while I am using the "facilities". The thought of him seeing me sitting on "the throne" is mortifying to me, not to mention any of the processes that go along with going to the bathroom. He knows my body and all the nooks and crannies of it very well, he has seen me in some very interesting positions, both in and out of the bedroom... but the bathroom is off limits for me.

plantpage said...

I love a woman that puts all her emotions and feelings in everything that she does in life. I could tell that from you and that is what attracted me to you. I can only imagine how you bare yourself when your in a relationship. It has to be wonderful. I would surely love to find out.

Calliope said...

plantpage- *blush* Thank you. That very well maybe one of the sweetest things anyone has said to me. I really do bare my soul on here and if people looked past the sex talk they would see I am an amazing woman with so much to offer. Lately I am finding it is the only thing people seem to focus on and it deeply saddens me and disapoints me to think that is "all" the see.