Subtleties and Flirt-Ability

I was asked the other day by Fruit Taster about the dating scene where I live and it made me wonder. Where does a thirty something woman go to meet a decent guy?

I am not into the club scene and everyone keeps telling me to go do things I like to do so I will meet someone that likes to do the things I do. Seriously, if it was that easy there would not be so many single people.

At the end of last year there was this guy that came into my work place. He was my type, has a BA in Literature, dark hair, slightly taller then me, nice soulful eyes, and a kind smile. I thought, "here we go, now this is what I am talking about."

There was lots of smiling and what appeared to be interest. We chatted a little more and then I gave him my number as he was about to leave. He had not asked for it and he did not call but at least I took a chance. It made me wonder if my flirtability factor is broken.

An example would be Parker. After two years of flirting and stolen moments in a crowded store we finally got to the sexy text messages and a few naughty pictures. We then had some very enjoyable encounters for it to only fizzle out without any warning or reason. Makes one wonder.

Another would be this guy I went to a Greek restaurant with. He knew I was into Greek Mythology. He was not quite my physical type but mentally and intellectually very compatible. I was more then happy to go out with him and see where things went because physical appearance is not the only aspect to chemistry. We had great conversation and a very nice lunch. He came on heavy and very interested. I thought it went really well.

After that date we talked and made plans to go see a movie. He ended up rain checking me. I was disappointed but I thought; "Ok I am just starting to date again after thirteen years do not read too much in to it, maybe he got busy." No, he just up and disappeared only to come out of no where again recently. He made promises of rocking my world in the bed room and I said well maybe some dinner first. After that comment he disappeared again. It just does not make any sense. (And no he was not just after sex. That does not seem like his style, nor did I planned to give it to him.)

I honestly can not cognitively reason or rationalize out in my head why men seem to want these women who behave like life is "Melrose Place" instead of a woman that has her shit together. I will never be able to understand how a man can be so tolerant or find it attractive to be weak minded. Do they not understand that there is no longevity in those kind of relationships?

I am beginning to realize I am not a woman of subtleties. I am honest and forward. I know what I want and will do what it takes to make it happen for myself. I will never "play" the damsel in distress or be that cheerleadery twinkie. If I have a man in my life it is because I want him there. How can needing to be rescued be more sexy then actually wanting you? I will call you on your shit just like I expect you to call me on mine.

I don't want to be the "eye candy" on the back of your bike. I want to be your friend, your partner and your lover. I want to be your equal. So maybe my flirt factor is broken and maybe I am not as good at reading the situation as I thought I was.


cjn said...

Maybe it's not so much your that your "flirt factor" is gone, maybe the right guy just hasn't walked in and took notice yet... There are so many men out there that find a strong, intelligent and sexual woman, like yourself, attractive... I am guessing they are probably feeling about the same way you do.... "isn't there any women out there who will match my needs and my level of expectation"?

Keep your chin (and your beautiful breasts ;)~ ) up and one or two or three or more....will be knocking down your door in no time!!! Love ya chickie...

Fruit Taster said...

Carolee knows you much better than I do but I think she's right. I wouldn't read too much into those things if I were you. After all, you're looking for a life partner, not a Scrabble partner. It's a slightly taller order. :)

I think there is a click factor that has to occur. Sometimes logically things seem to align right, but the click isn't there. What can I tell ya, love is a mystery.

It's just a matter of time. Enjoy the ride.