Have you ever had a disagreement, a fight where you lashed out and said things you really didn't mean but in the moment it felt great, and then later you regret it?
Well this is not that moment!
Instead I took the high road and in the moment it felt right. I wanted to be mature. I wanted to show him that you can be honest and tell someone how you feel with out being hurtful. But now, now I feel like I let him off way to easy and I am pissed.
Sometimes I think being who I am can actually hinder me. Having the educational background into the human condition means, sometimes I over think situations. It also means I rationalize out how the other person feels and therefore let them off the hook far easier then they should be.
Parker and I hashed out a "misunderstanding." He lied to me and mislead me. He made promises he never intended to keep, blew me off like I didn't matter and countless other thoughtless transgressions.
Yet, somehow at the end of the conversation he didn't have to take any real responsibility for what he did. I used all the "tools" in the communication tool box. I used "I" statements and said this is how "I" saw it from my perspective and he said he understood and he was sorry.
I told him he had to have known there would be some back lash to the situation given how I was treated. He said of course because that is my "style" meaning I am bold, forward and honest to a fault. I never once said some of the things I wanted to say.
I was proud of myself considering the depth of the betrayal I felt. My words can be like barb wire if that is how I choose to use them, but I try to do right, fight fair. I wanted to attack him as a person and let him know how unflattering those characteristics are and he is SOOOO not as attractive as I once thought, but I chose to refrain.
So the moral is; I took the high road. I was mature and let him off the hook and now I wish I had unleashed some of the venom I was feeling. He said it was difficult to tell me how he felt because he didn't want to hurt me, yet I kept asking him if he didn't feel the same way about me as I did him, I would rather know the truth sooner rather then later. How hard is it to BE HONEST, I mean damn!
I wanted to say: WHAT A COWARD..... Instead I said:
"While my feelings were hurt nothing I said to you was done in a hurtful way. I was honest and told you how I felt but never once did I attack you, your character, or your actions. I simply stated how I felt. That is how honesty is done in a mature way. While there was back lash I NEVER ONCE lash out at you."
GRRRRRRRR.....Sometimes I need to be a little more heartless and fight less fair. I mean my ex cheated on me and he got the 55' big screen tv and all the livingroom furniture because I wanted to be fair.