I want to not just live this life, I want to experience it. I want to live passionately and purposefully!

I am slowly starting to feel a little more like me. I have several ideas bouncing around in my head for new posts, it is a matter of making myself sit down and concentrate long enough to get them out.

I have been fretting about my children being gone for so long this summer. They are growing up so fast. They both have birthdays coming up at the end of the summer. Before I know it my oldest will be getting ready to get his driver's license.

They leave next Monday. I will miss them terribly, but I know they will have fun. The house will feel so big and empty with no one in it but me. I am afraid that I will be so lonely. I plan to keep myself busy with friends, working out, the pool and going out, but that won't keep the thoughts at bay in the dark.

How does the time go so fast? I need to start really thinking about my future. I knew they would grow up and life would change but I always expected to face those changes with the father of my children not by myself. How do I start to carve out a new life for myself? I don't even know where to begin!

I do know one thing, life is short and I want to live with purpose!


Big Geek said...

There are so many experts/people who can tell you "how to live with purpose" but it is my experience you/I have to be motivated/inspired too live that way and some times that motivation/inspiration is illusive

Anonymous said...

Life does bring changes but you are never given more than you can deal with. The purpose of your life now should be to provide a safe and sound life for your children. To let them know that you are their rock and that as they grow they will not have to look any further for support. All they will have to do is turn their heads and look to their side because that Is were you will be. As far as a father goes we as little boys to young men to adult males will learn what a true father is by the people that we have to look to around us. What helps more is to have a woman to talk to who will tell us what it Is that a woman wants and needs to make them happy and fulfilled.

cjn said...

Though I see a lot of truth in what anonymous wrote, I believe a lot of your purpose should be focusing on finding yourself. You were married young with so many innocent ideas that as you have aged and matured, you have come to realize that life is full of realistic disappointments.

Marriage can be amazing, but also it is easy to lose ourselves in marriage, slowly letting our own dreams and goals become less important. Even in the very best relationships we have to keep an eye on our own needs. I always tell my kids that no one will ever take care of them as well as they will take care of themselves.

This is a new opportunity for you, to discover yourself, as well as the world. I know you well enough to know You will always put your sons first, but you need to also use this time to experience life, with no strings attached. Play, live, laugh, and love. ..... yourself.

I know you can do this, you are a survivor and your spirit is unbreakable. With bruised wings, you can still fly, only now, you will be a little more aware of the world beneath you. So your new purpose.... to find yourself. Love You!

Fruit Taster said...

What you wrote is so personal. Yet I see myself and other people I know in those words. It's like an older couple whose children have moved out; how does one cope when the other passes away? I have no idea how people do this. It's possible that one reason to have children is to populate our life. I know that when I became single in my late 20's parenting was not easy for me because my mind was all on trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted. Maybe this time by yourself that you will have this summer will help you do that.

However one thought I had reading you is that you already know what you want. That seems very clear. If that's really the case then the question for you then is not what you want but how you're going to get it. :)