When one person in a couple has a different sexual drive then the other it feels kind of like you have a rock stuck in your shoe. It is uncomfortable, it is frustrating, and it is constant. It is not like it prevents you from walking, but its a constant reminder while you walk.
How important is similar sex drives? Can it break a relationship altogether or can a compromise be reached? My ex and I had very different sex drives and I took it as if he didn't want me, need me, desire me. This caused blistering gnawing pain to my soul beyond expression of words.
I then picked at the wound making it worse. The more I tried to make him talk about how I needed not only more sex but more intimacy, the more he withdrew and punished me with silence and avoidance.
As much as we tried to express our own personal view point I do not believe we ever achieved an understanding. I needed the desire to be reflected. I needed him to understand that while sex was a physical act of pleasure there was so much more that comes from the exchange, but to him it was a carnal need born of greed not desire.
He constantly saw my sexual desire for him as something selfish and greedy. Something that was carnal and had nothing to do with him. I don’t think he ever fully understood how much I loved him or desired him.
Even the way we viewed sex as a whole was different. I believe in love and sex but I also believe that sometimes sex can be just sex about pleasure. He did finally admit that he allowed some of his own hang ups get in the way of expressing his desire but unfortunately it was too little too late.
I sincerely hope in my next serious relationship the level of maturity and self revelation I believe I am gaining will help and not hinder it’s growth towards longevity.