An Invisible Time Line

This week has been a time of real self reflection due to the fact it was one year ago this Friday that I found my husband with another woman. That night my life changed. The very fabric of my soul was ripped in two. It wasn't that this man I loved cheated on me, it was my past took on a different tone and my future that had always consisted of him would no longer include him in the same way.

There were all these hopes and dreams that came crashing down all around me, drowning me from the inside out. I could not catch my breath and I was suffocating. It was as if my lungs had filled with fluid and my brain became foggy and could not process the images in front of me properly.

Everything I had believed had crumbled around me. My own self worth came in to question. How could someone who loves you be so devious and sneaky? This level of betrayal makes you question every move made by that person, searching for motive to things even in the past.

On the verge of wanting to give into the fluidness, allowing my organs to become a cornucopia of bloated, rotten flesh and cease to exist, anger took hold. It squeezed me like a vice forcing me to kick my way to the surface. Grasping to grab a hold of a breath, I spat out the fluid from my lungs and volatile anger poured forth.

I wonder if anger/wrath is "thee" emotion that pushes people forward when they are all but ready to give in, it made the list of deadly sins after all. For the most part anger has come and gone, grief and suffering lasted many months and now I am in the acceptance and moving forward stage. I am determined to find hope at the bottom of this barrel.

Looking back through my blog from it's inception until now you can see an invisible time line of happiness, desire, lust, grief, loss, anger, and the struggle for hope.

Thank you to those that truly "SEE" me for me.

9 comments:

Fruit Taster said...

Wow... I really hope the best for you. Keep your head high and keep ploughing through the emotions. You're a great writer and a beautiful person, I have no doubt you will turn this around.

Hugs.

Calliope said...

Fruit Taster,

Thank you! I enjoy your writing as well.

Big Geek said...

wow that was a stunning bit of revelation.
I second Fruits words... you are a great and insightful writer I am inspired and consoled by your words.
Through your writing I find you to be strong, emotionally, and intellectually and I have no doubt that you will turn this passing situation around and come out on the far side "victorious".

Calliope said...

Big Geek,

Thank you. Between you, FT, and CJN my head is going to get all swollen up and I am going to start thinking I am fantastic and all. *wink*

Thank you for your kind and encouraging words.

cjn said...

You are fantastic and all!!! I think Fruit Taster and Big Geek have seen you for who you are and that is because of what I have always told you about your writing. You put yourself out there, whether withered in grief, puffed in anger, dancing in peace or engulfed by lust!!! Your blog has been a window to your soul!! Keep on your trek my friend and you will find the path to happiness again, just don't let the goblins along the way eat you up! Hugs.

I have seen you come to the place you are today
I have longed to hold your hand & make it go away
I have heard your tears and your laughter too
Been there to encourage with all you went thru
But you have always been strong and never gave in
Even during those times you withered within
I am proud to know you and to be your biggest fan
And I'll still be here when you are happy again.

Big Geek said...

cjn and Calliope I don't know how you two write such wonderful poetry. That is a gift to be sure.

M.Rae said...

The hope is in every single day you move forward, the laughter of your kids, and the love you give. Not to mention in the abundant generosity of your soul to those of us seeking our own answers.
Hope is created when one person provides light to another that is fumbling in the darkness. Thank you for being my hope.

Anonymous said...

Of course it will

Anonymous said...

Hug.