I CAN'T GET NO S-A-T-I-S-F-A-C-T-I-O-N

Since becoming single I can't seem to get any satisfaction! I know this will sound ridiculous to everyone but it just seems like there is less joy, less satisfaction in everything. Even food tastes blah.

I am spending the weekend by myself again so I marinated this steak, threw it on the grill, cut up veggies and made some pasta. I had not eaten all day and I worked, so I should have been starving.

The veggies were good but not spectacular and the steak had no taste. I could have been eating cardboard with marinade on it. You can think maybe I just got a bad cut of steak but there is more to it then just that.

My life has become listless. Things are more murky and grey, boring, and lonely. Oh and I am not getting any S-A-T-I-S-F-A-C-T-I-O-N in the bedroom either!

8 comments:

Big Geek said...

It breaks my heart to hear those sorts of things... from any one. I know that dull gray heavy feeling. There is no joy in life and there is no feeling of hope for the future that thins are going to be any different. That is where I live much of the time There is no light at the end of the tunnel daylight or a train... just no light. Day after day of preforming your obligatory stuff work eat sleep. and as you say eating falls off the page because well it just doesn't seem worth the effort to prepare the food then to eat it and to clean up after it... especially the clean up part.

I wish I had better more uplifting word... something profound and hopeful but all I can say is that your post makes perfect sense to me and is not at all ridiculous.

I suppose that I can say this... Feel better knowing I am not alone in this feeling.

As for the bedroom... even when I do ... I don't. The after feeling of let down.. that's its... that's all there is... again. But at some level it feels like breathing after a while... if you don't you start 'jonesing" and then you do and then comes the "why did I bother with that... and again with the clean up thing... sigh

maybe I should have kept my yap shut

Surely cjn will have something more uplifting, profound and hopeful... I hope... No pressure cjn but we are counting on you...

cjn said...

Well Big Geek, I'm with you, the gray is something I have felt myself. After a life changing event, especially one of this nature, where virtually and literally half of your personality, dreams and life goes away, it makes it easy to feel lost. The things that once mattered and once made life enjoyable, seem somewhat insignificant.

My hope is that when you awake from the slumber of the dark, self blaming and hopeless sense of future, things will regain color! Your tastebuds will come back to life and your dreams will again seem obtainable!

The bedroom is the same, satisfaction will come in due time and when it does you will savor it to it's fullest!

Anonymous said...

Perhaps if you look outside yourself and begin looking around you will see that life goes on. Get involved with a singles group in your area, and maybe stop living your life online in a blog. Then you might be able to move on.

cjn said...

Dear Anonyms:

Please, first of all, review the definition for blog as written by Wikipedia…. “A blog *** a type of website, usually maintained by an individual with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video. Entries are commonly displayed in reverse-chronological order. "Blog" can also be used as a verb, meaning to maintain or add content to a blog.
Many blogs provide commentary or news on a particular subject; others function as more personal online diaries. ***”

Now that we have that out of the way, let me speak my mind. Let me ask you a question, if your life is so “involved” than tell me, why you are sitting in front of a computer reading blogs?

I would like to state that I know the author of this blog in the “outside” world. And frankly, she is more full of life and adventure that any other person you will ever meet. She is outgoing, fun and possesses a creative pen that many will only ever dream of!

She is well aware that life goes on and is making it happen every day. But she has been wounded and has the right to tend to those wounds any way she sees fit. By blogging she has found her niche, she has found a voice and a passion. Though life may be full of “unsatisfying” things, she is forging on. It is clear you do not know “Ms. Jones” or the life she is writing about!

I am personally offended on her behalf that you would say such things to someone and then leave your name anonyms. If your life is so great than open up and let us see your blog! Oh wait, you must not have one, since you obviously don’t understand the point!!

Calliope said...

Anonymous,

I will chalk up your rudeness to ignorance since you do not know me or my life. The first part of your comment was encouraging but you could not resist your chance to get in a dig. If you have nothing intellectual to contribute I ask you to please move on pass my blog and get a life!

CJN,

Thank you baby girl for always, having my back. I have worked hard to hold my head high and handle life’s disappointments with the grace of a woman and not the grief of a child. Some days I fall short and I am sadden by all I have lost and all that my children have lost but I will rise above this and spread my wings again and I know you will always be there beside me no matter the distance that separates us now. Thank you for being the best friend a person could ever have!

Anonymous said...

My comment was not meant as a dig to you or your lifestyle. It was merely an observance.

Life within a group of sorts can keep one from moving on. The group may be more commiserative and could create more of a hindrance. (Keep one within the confines)

I arrived at this blog quite by accident and do not normally sit in front of computers reading blogs. I don't have an opinion of blogs one way or another. They take time that might be better spent living life to the fullest. Look into authoring a book, you may surprise yourself and create a best seller. One's own talent can often times create income.

Calliope said...

Anonymous,

Thank you for your candor. I will admit that the tone of my blog has changed dramatically since its inception.

At one point in time my writing manifested as poetry about love, lust, desire and even pain, but lately I have found all my inspiration dried up in those areas.

I do have some poetry being published this month in a small publication in Montana. I would love to write a book but finding time between a full time job, two kids and divorce that is just not a project I can take on at the moment but perhaps something in my future.

I hope my bark won't keep you away and you will pursue at your leisure again and hopefully stubble upon something better written since this post was more of an offhand whining session then a real glimpse of what I write ;)

cjn said...

Anonymous, I appreciate the tone and the words of your second comment. You are right about one thing, she should write a book, I've been telling her this for months!! Thank you for responding and making your point more clear!