The longer we know someone, the longer we are around them we know exactly what buttons to push to inflict just the right amount of pain. How to kick them when they are down, how to punish them, make them bleed until they hemorrhage from the inside out. These buttons can be subtle and other times they can be down right volatile. My question; is the volatile out burst more hurtful or damning then the subtle ones?

With my ex it was his silence, his avoidance of me that would make my heart bleed and almost hemorrhage causing me to bleed out and die. I would have preferred an out burst, an assault of angry words but the silent constant disapproval was more then I could bear.

The silence would come and then go without warning. With every silent treatment a small piece of me died over the years. His issue is that he doesn't see it the same way I do. He sees it as his "step back" to evaluate the situation, diffuse it and not cause more issues. The way I see it is he doesn't even care enough to have a real conversation.

This week a incident happened on our cruise that showed me just how much he can still hurt me even though we are no longer together. His silence and avoidance cut me to my core and the more I wanted to talk or explain my view point the more he withdrew and was silent.

I now know with certainty that we are simply different people. We don't belong together. Perhaps it was a sense of safety, familiarity, friendship, honor, duty and fondness that kept us together.


cjn said...

It is intersting to me how our outlooks on things are different depending on what side of the love fence we are on.

As I read through your thought process, I continued to think to myself, the longer we are around someone, the easier they can please us, the more open the communication. I am in a happy place in my life, so my glasses are rather rose tinted.

Your husband could easily have need meant for you if only you were both a little different. Buu how much change should be expected in order for people to be able to say they are "perfect" together. My belief is that no one person is made perfect for another and no relationship comes without comeomise of our own needs, wants and personalities.

Great thought process! Welcome back Miss Jones!

Fruit Taster said...

So you're the talkative one and he's the withdrawn one. It sounds like his silence is his power over you and he uses it to his advantage. Maybe if you try to not expect words from him and instead just tell him how it's going to be without asking questions, then you're taking your power back. Of course, easier said then done. Relationships are like molds that we end up being stuck in and it's really hard to get out. I know that I still feel old patterns try to creep in whenever I'm around my ex.

The cool thing about buttons is that you can choose to leave them undone. It feels so much more comfortable that way. :)

Anonymous said...

I know your pain and all i can say is keep smilling you have a very sexy smile it just melts my hart


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Calliope said...


Thank you. ;) I am glad you are leaving comments it is my only way of knowing what I write reaches people, that they may feel what I feel and I am not alone.