The longer we know someone, the longer we are around them we know exactly what buttons to push to inflict just the right amount of pain. How to kick them when they are down, how to punish them, make them bleed until they hemorrhage from the inside out. These buttons can be subtle and other times they can be down right volatile. My question; is the volatile out burst more hurtful or damning then the subtle ones?
With my ex it was his silence, his avoidance of me that would make my heart bleed and almost hemorrhage causing me to bleed out and die. I would have preferred an out burst, an assault of angry words but the silent constant disapproval was more then I could bear.
The silence would come and then go without warning. With every silent treatment a small piece of me died over the years. His issue is that he doesn't see it the same way I do. He sees it as his "step back" to evaluate the situation, diffuse it and not cause more issues. The way I see it is he doesn't even care enough to have a real conversation.
This week a incident happened on our cruise that showed me just how much he can still hurt me even though we are no longer together. His silence and avoidance cut me to my core and the more I wanted to talk or explain my view point the more he withdrew and was silent.
I now know with certainty that we are simply different people. We don't belong together. Perhaps it was a sense of safety, familiarity, friendship, honor, duty and fondness that kept us together.