Orange Juice & Orgasms

Orange Juice & Orgasms are the NEW HEALTH CARE PLAN!
orange juice Pictures, Images and Photos

I was talking to The Detective the other day and I was telling him that my throat was getting sore. He was like "Well you need to get some rest!" My response was, "Wouldn't that be nice, however I can't take time off from work for something as luxurious as REST!"

Then last night I was talking to my friend out in Seattle and I coughed several times because my throat was getting scratchy. He also told me I need to rest and I joked that I needed a little "me time" before I went to bed.

Later the thought occurred to me; wouldn't it be nice if illness could be cured with orange juice and orgasms? You would get your vitamin C from the orange juice and orgasms help boost the immune system and your happiness level.

ORANGE JUICE:

  • Orange juice is known to contain a high percentage of Vitamin C, which is helpful in boosting the immune system. So, you will be less likely to catch various illnesses, such as colds or the flu.
  • Various medical studies show that orange juice may help lower both cholesterol levels and blood pressure levels, which are two very common problems among middle aged men and women.
  • Orange juice is thought to be very high in antioxidants. What this means is that this yummy juice may help prevent various forms of cancer, including breast cancer and prostate cancer
  • Fairly large amounts of potassium, which is an essential nutrient for the body, can be found in orange juice.
  • Studies have shown that orange juice can help reduce the risk of heart disease, which is because it can help improve circulation.
  • Orange juice contains Folate, which plays a major role in the reproduction of new cells and can help with the healing process.
  • Research has shown that orange juice has anti-inflammatory properties. If you experience a lot of arthritis-related pain, orange juice may really help relieve it.
ORGAMS:
  • Orgasms relieve tension! The faster heartbeat, the increased blood flow and the muscular tautness associated with sexual pleasure all come to a relaxing conclusion with an orgasm, and in the process relieve tensions pent up in your nervous system.
  • Orgasms help you sleep better. While an orgasm is followed in the male by a quick drop in blood pressure and sudden relaxation, the effect on women is more progressive, but no less important. Orgasms act as a natural tranquilizer. That wonderful release of endorphins is very calming.
  • Orgasms calm your cravings for junk food, and sometimes for cigarettes. Sexual stimulation activates the production of phenetylamine, a kind of natural amphetamine that regulates your appetite. So before you pig out, maybe you should go to your room. :) because they also burn calories *wink*
  • Orgasms can work as natural pain management. If you have ever noticed yourself forgetting about a headache or menstrual cramps while masturbating or having sex, it is not simply a psychological phenomenon. Endorphins (natural compounds that are close to morphine) are released by your body during sex, and can increase your tolerance of pain by as much as 70 percent during orgasm. This will vary from person to person.
  • They can reverse aging by increasing the level of DHEA (dehydroepiandrosterone) in the body which is known to improve brain function, fat metabolism, the immune system, and the cardiovascular system, as well as promote healthy skin.
  • Orgasms have been linked to boosting the immune system. Those who engage in regular sexual activity have been found to have one third higher levels of immunoglobin A, an antibody that assists the immune system in fighting infection such as colds and the flu.
So there you go that should be the new HEALTH CARE REFORM ACT for the United States- Orange Juice & Orgasms for everyone. I am quite sure it is much more cost effective then the current Health Care Plan.

(Orange juice and orgasm facts were complied from various websites.)

SEX with the EX- (ES)

I am in NEED of an EX for some SEX. I don't want to add to my number therefore revisiting an EX doesn't count. Right???

Whether they are an EX husband or EX lover or even an EX "fun buddy" they are an EX for a reason, however there is something comforting about revisiting an EX for SEX. They are familiar, a little safe and a little dangerous all at the same time. You don't want to fall into old patterns but there is something super comforting about an EX. They know you, your sounds, hopefully what gets you to that happy place.

I honestly never thought I would ever go past the solitary #1 but I find my self getting divorced and in GREAT need! If I could take some of the best things from each EX I could mold myself a perfect man and oh how he would love me and pleasure me in all the ways I NEED.

The EX- He will always know me best. I grew in to my sexuality with him so good or bad he knows all my flaws and all of my talents.

Parker- Had all the ZA-ZA-ZU and good lusty stuff. Oh lest I forget, he had a gorgeous cock and could seriously kiss. So far no one can touch how he makes me feel not even The EX.

GI-JOE- Knew how to get right to the good stuff and fuck; his largest flaw- he didn't want it as much as I did or as often. Story of my life!

The CHEF- Was all about seduction from the moment he saw you. He found what it was you liked and BAM he had it for you. He knew how to dominate and take charge.  He would cook for me and do all the clean up, pair dinner perfectly with just the right bottle of wine. He was fantastic. He was forceful in a good way. Push you up against a wall and kiss you hard. I LOVED that. Good stuff.

The Detective- There was to much time from the start of things to the good stuff (weeks) that some of the heat faded but he was great at the caressing you gently. He kissed you softly, he was all about breasts (a huge turn on.) A breast man knows how to play with them in the right way. (Yes there is a wrong way!) Oh, the one thing he did that I loved and no one else did;  run his hands up the back of my legs. He did it slowly and purposeful.That little spot right behind your knee cap that never gets touched soft and seductively. Yes I liked that a lot.

The Med Student- Red had a mouth on him. He always managed to say the right things at the right time. He made me laugh and smile and being around him just felt good. He was young, perhaps to young and wanted me to teach him everything which could be fun but at the same time I want someone that knows what they are doing.

If only I could take all the good from each one and mold me one perfect man!

I would do anything for love

The Model and the Nerd

Sometimes you're the nerd and sometimes you're the model. Sometimes you're the windshield, Sometimes you're the bug, Sometimes it all comes together baby, Sometimes you're just a fool in love, Sometimes you're the Louisville Slugger, Sometimes you're the ball, Sometimes it all comes together, Sometimes you're gonna lose it all.

OK- the first line is not part of the song but this song got me thinking; sometimes we are in fact the model and sometimes we are the nerd. I had a guy friend ask me advice about this girl he was seeing or trying to see but she was just flaky and back and forth about the idea of dating him. Once hearing the story all the way through it hit me, he was the nerd in this story and she was the model. Now by no stretch of the imagination is he really a nerd because he dresses quite stylish and is good looking but she treated him as such.


I think our roles switch back and forth frequently when dating. It reminds me of the scene in “He Is Just NOT That Into You!” Where the one girl is feeling all down because the guy she really wants is ignoring her so she calls in her back-up guy. He is the guy that is at her beck and call to remind her how great she is. He tells her any guy would be lucky to have her but unbeknown to him he will never be “that guy.” He thinks if he is like the tortoise, slow and steady he will win the race and win her heart. The minute she is feeling all good about herself again it is bye-bye to the nerdy back-up guy.

Listening to Grady’s story made me realize something in my own life. When defining Parker and me, he is the model and I am the nerd. It is only when he is feeling a little down that he shows up in my life again. I build him back up by reminding him how amazing he is, that he can do anything he puts his mind to, how great of a kisser he is, ect.. but as soon as he is feeling “all pretty again” he disappears.


It is me that will text him first or ask him to lunch. He doesn’t go out of his way to say hello or make me a part of his life and yet I stand idly by waiting for his cue. This weekend thoughts of him plagued my mind and I realized that I don’t mean anything more to him than an ego boost so why can’t I let go?


I know I can’t really blame him, I do it to myself but it did make me realize that when I feel down and not good enough that I too have people in my life that reach out and make me feel good. Maybe we all are the nerd and the model, depending on the day decides which role we play. I guess we all need to remember that on the other end of that role is a real person with real feeling that can be squashed like a bug on a windshield.

NOT DEAD

I have been soooo very busy lately. Will get back to posting very soon. My biggest issue was I have not had internet at my house for about 3 weeks and posting at work is not an option. Eventually I would like to get a little lap top all my own since my kids keep the desktop pretty busy when they are home with me.


By this weekend I will be up and running. I even have a great post in mind.


Sorry =(

Cybersex Addiction

The Big Bang Theory is one of my favorite shows. In a recent episode Howard got in trouble with his girlfriend for having cybersex with a troll. This was accomplished through the use of avatars in a multiuser software environment. The funny thing is the troll ended up being some fat middle aged janitor that works in his building.

This episode got me thinking about cybersex and porn and the addiction it can create. Many people are affected by the easy access the internet provides to porn, pictures and people that are in unhappy relationships and use it as an escape.

So what is cybersex? It is a form of sexual role-play in which the participants pretend they are having actual sex. In one form, this fantasy sex is accomplished by the participants describing their actions and responding to their chat partners in a mostly written form designed to stimulate their own sexual feelings and fantasies.

The quality of a cybersex encounter typically depends upon the participants' abilities to evoke a vivid, visceral mental picture in the minds of their partners. Imagination and suspension of disbelief are also critically important.

Cybersex can occur either within the context of existing or intimate relationships, e.g. among lovers who are geographically separated, or among individuals who have no prior knowledge of one another and meet in virtual spaces or cyberspaces and may even remain anonymous to one another.

Research suggests that cybersex addicts spend at least 11 or 12 hours a week on the Internet, and often its double or triple that amount of time. If alcoholics and drug addicts define "being sober" by not drinking or using mind altering chemicals, Sobriety for cybersex addicts consists of avoiding the sexual and cybersexual activities that cause the addict to feel shameful, hold secrets, or which are illegal or abusive.

Cybersex addicts may also need to avoid nonsexual activities such as surfing the Web or just spending lots of time alone with the computer which can lead them back to cybersex activities.

So how do you know if you are an addict? If you repeatedly spend more time on cybersex activities than you intended, if you continue despite significant negative consequences in your life (if you are risking your relationships, your job, your health, or your legal status), and if you are obsessed or preoccupied with these activities when you should be focused on other aspects of your life, then you are likely a cybersex addict.


Cybersex Survey Take the Survey below. If you want, post your results in the comments. You can do it anonymously or as one of my followers.


1. Your age?
2. Sex?
3. Are you the addict or the one affected by the addiction?
4. Are you still in a relationship?
5. Are you happy?
6. Has your or your partner's (depending who is responding) online sex addiction led to actual sexual encounters with other people?
7. If yes above did you practice safe sex?
8. Will you engage in offline encounters again with those met online?
9. If you are the addict is your partner aware of you addiction or meeting people offline met online?

Robert Frost

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Final October NST


Continued From October Part Two 



I look up at you from my knees, my eyes begging to understand why you withdrew from my mouth. You grab my arms and yank me up and whip me around, pulling my skirt up around my stomach.

Holding my breath I am hoping with all my might I will finally get the fulfillment I need. You yank my panties down with more force then what was necessary but I like it. You lean hard against me so my body presses against the wall.

The weight of you feels good against me. I can feel your cock pressing against my butt cheeks and I know what I need is finally here. I close my eyes and flashes of our past encounters scroll past making my whole body feel hot and tingly.

I lay my cheek flat against the wall and let the coolness of the tile take some of the heat from my face. Suddenly you thrust into me so hard and unexpectedly a yelp escapes my lips. My eyes widen and I am sure I look doe like, but you cannot see them.

Your hands reach up under my shirt and grab my breasts. I hear an exasperated sigh, undoubtedly at the padded bra. “No wonder I could not see your nipples through your shirt.” Your words given on gasps of breath.

I want to curse at you. It was you who made me promise to behave, made me swear to friends, asked me to pretend all that we shared had not even transpired. You got to move on to another, while I was silently tortured by memories and your proximity.

Torn between wanting to whip around and smack you and being over whelmed, the rhythm of you going in and out of me feels too good to interrupt. My arms begin to tire from holding us up but I am in no hurry. I long for you to say the things I want to hear, but instead I close my eyes again and allow the heaviness of you bring me comfort.

The liquid heat is stirring in my belly and I can feel the end nearing. With the last thrust we both concede to the pleasure. I bite down on my own wrist to keep from crying out. You lean against me to the point where I can feel the warmth of your breath against my ear and you whisper, “I love you.”

October NST Part Two



Continued From Part One:



Even though I can feel your body physically against mine, I am afraid to open my eyes. If this is only a fantasy I want to revel in every moment. Your lips feel real, soft, and perfect as your tongue gently presses against mine. My lips part slowly and grant you access to the warmth of my mouth. I can feel the stirring in my belly as my juices soak my panties.

Your hand moves from the small of my back and down my leg until you hit the edge of my skirt. The palm of your hand strokes the inside of my thigh while your breath caresses my ear sending shivers down my spine.

Giving into you completely was something I had done the moment I met you. I want you to posses me again, over and over. I silently pray for your fingers to find my pulsing button, to weave their magic, to make me cry out in ecstasy.

As your fingers dip into a sea of wetness my hands grip the counter top to steady myself. My back pressed between the corner of the wall and the edge of the mirror, I settle my stiletto against the paper towel dispenser. Torn between pleasure and being caught my hands grip your hair pulling your head towards me as the sensations wrack my body causing my legs to shake.

My breathing rapid, I gulp down several deeps breaths before I open my eyes. You are really there standing before me. My pulse quickens again. Running your index finger along my lower lip I suck it into my mouth and lick all my juices off of it.

With my legs still a little shaky, I hop down from the counter. Pushing you across the short distance to the opposite wall I tug your shirt loose from your pants so I can touch your skin. My hunger has grown. As my hands find their way across your chest and up your back I lean in and smell you. Nibble on your ear lobes, bite your neck. I undo the button to your pants, unzip your zipper and my mouth finds what I was looking for.

As I envelope the head, my tongue flicks across the most sensitive place. My favorite part is that bubble gum pink tip. It is the most perfect, gorgeous cock I have ever seen. The tip was always my favorite so I spend extra time licking it and circling it with my tongue before letting my mouth envelope the entire shaft. Taking you further into my mouth, moving up and down my saliva lubricates your shaft.

Your fingers weave their way into my hair, and gently massage my scalp as my mouth keeps working on your beautiful cock. Feeling you grow even harder I know your need finally matches my need and desire for you. Suddenly you pull back and pop it right out of my mouth.



You have to kiss a lot of frogs........

Just a little something my grandmother said to me on my sixteenth birthday.


Getting back in to the whole dating world has been interesting to say the least. I went out with this photographer and he was very handsome, talented, educated, and easy to talk to. He was older than me and had his shit together. After two lunch dates I was not feeling anything beyond friendship and I don't think he was either.

The second lunch ended and as we headed out to our cars we hugged it out. We had discussed getting around to "our lips meeting" so there was a pause in the middle of the hug for the "lean in." I end up dodging him resulting in a side lips graze/cheek kiss.


WOW- that was awkward! A really good kiss should feel like someone just tugged at the back of your belly button. (YOU KNOW?)


When do you go in for that first kiss? What if when you do there is no spark? Then what? Is that it? How do you know when to give it a second chance or move on to the next one?

Does anyone else get plagued with these questions or do I truly OVER think everything????


OK, so I mentioned the 24 year old in the online dating post. I met him at a Chamber of Commerce event. We chatted and he seemed great. Physically not my "typical" type but I am trying to broaden my horizons. My schedule with my kids don't allow for evening dates unless on the weekends so we met for several day dates.


He too was easy to talk to and we had some things in common despite the almost nine year age difference. He kissed well and did stir up a little something in my belly. Moving from the safe lunch date we finally get around to the dinner date.


There are several embarrassing mishaps and I am totally ready to throw in the towel but then I am told I am a "runner". First sign of things not going how I thought, I run. Then I don't risk getting hurt. (Whatever!) Needless to say we laugh about it, put it behind us and set up another evening date.

So this past week comes and we have a good time but still there is NO Za-Za-Zu. I don't feel those butterflies in my belly. I don't feel the way I think I should if there was something there worth exploring. When you are with someone you should not be wishing they were someone else.

So now back to square one- kissing more frogs!

October NST Part One


Agreeing to meet for lunch, it has been a year since out first tryst. Promising to be on my best behavior I can’t help but be me. I over think everything. I want to wear something that makes me feel sexy.

I want you to see what you passed up on. Even if you won’t see my under garments I will know they are for you but if I go with the black lace matching set I know I will carry myself differently. I will feel sexy and confident in your presences and I am not allowed to feel that way, we agreed to friends. I promised to behave, no sex talk, no innuendos and I plan to keep my word.

Practically wins! I settle on a white lace bra that is slightly padded so my erect nipples will not protrude through my shirt. The white cotton boy shorts will soak up all the wetness your proximity creates. You don’t even have to touch me to make me want you; desire you, to get wet and ready for you to posses me.

You pick me up instead of meeting at the restaurant. That was not something I expected but was intrigued by the gesture. I didn’t get a chance to give you a hug hello but I did not have to, to know you smell the way you always do. We make small talk in your car on the way there and my mind can barely focus on what you are saying. Being near you makes me forget my place. You are not mine but I want you to be. I want to be yours.

The waitress seats us near the back and the lunch rush has already come and gone. Fiddling with the straw paper you ask if I am nervous. What am I suppose to say, “Yes, because I am afraid I am going to screw this up? That a week ago I confessed something to you that I should have never said? That every movement of your mouth make my fingers itch to touch your face, stroke your lips with my fingertips before I kiss you?”
I tell you, “Of course I am not nervous, why would I be?”

Luckily our food comes and saves me from having to say anything for a few minutes. We resume small talk about work, sports and you even ask about my children. I am worried we either have nothing to say to each other or there is too much sexual tension that we are trying to ignore or perhaps we really have nothing in common. Finishing up my salad I excuse myself retreating to the bathroom so I can get my bearings.

Staring at my reflection, “You are foolish you know that right?” Exhaling I turn away from the stupid girl in the mirror and lean up against the counter. Suddenly the bathroom door opens and I see those hypnotic eyes boring right through me.

With just a few steps you close the distance between us and finally your lips find mine again. My body becomes lax and melts right into yours.

To be continued……

My 200th Post!!!

My 200th post is going to be about me showing off the homemade peach pie I made today. I am really quite proud of it.






Imagine how delicious it would feel in your mouth... the peach filling coating your tongue, awaking your taste buds to succulent flavors.



Biting in to the tiny fleshy bits of the peaches; letting them slide down your throat.


 MMM......yummy!


See the tiny sugar crystals on the golden brown crust glistening in the light? It is beckoning for you to to take a bite.







 Now I just need a man to offer my peach pie to.

BDSM

Thou art to me a delicious torment. 

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

BDSM: The historical origins of BDSM are obscure. During the ninth century BC, ritual flagellations were performed in Artemis Orthia, one of the most important religious areas of ancient Sparta, where the Cult of Orthia, a preolympic religion, was practiced. (You know I love when I can tie my themes back to Greek Mythology.)


Here ritual flagellation called diamastigosis took place on a regular basis. One of the oldest graphical proofs of sadomasochistic activities is found in an Etruscan burial site in Tarquinia. Inside the Tomba della Fustigazione (Flogging grave), in the latter sixth century B.C., two men are portrayed flagellating a woman with a cane and a hand during an erotic situation.

Another reference related to flagellation is to be found in the sixth book of the Satires of the ancient Roman Poet Juvenal (1st–2nd century A.D.), further reference can be found in Petronius's Satyricon where a delinquent is whipped for sexual arousal. Anecdotal narratives related to humans who have had themselves voluntary bound, flagellated or whipped as a substitute for sex or as part of foreplay reach back to the third and fourth century.

BDSM: Is a psychodrama through which participants explore “unacceptable” or hurtful emotions in a safe context. On a physical level, it often involves restraint and intentional infliction of physical pain and other intense sensations. It is a term for a wide range of distinct subcultures, psychological and physiological facets and sexual activities: bondage and discipline (B&D, B/D, or BD), dominance and submission (D&s, D/s, or Ds), and sadism and masochism (S&M, S/M, or SM).

These activities and relationships within BDSM practice are characterized by the fact that the participants usually take unequal roles. Typically, participants who are active (applying the activity or exercising control over others) are known as Tops or Dominants. Those who are the recipients of the activities, or who are controlled by their partners, are typically known as Bottoms or Submissives.

In The New Bottoming Book, Eastman tells us that “bottoming gives us a chance to explore feelings, roles, and interactions that may not be a good fit for us in the real world. So when you bottom, you may want to experience emotions like…anger, helplessness, martyrdom…” (Eastman 21)


BD is a type of sexual relationship consisting of lightly sadomasochistic scenarios in which a submissive partner is physically restrained and then disciplined, or punished physically or psychologically by a dominant partner.

The term “bondage” describes the sexual behavior which involves physical restraint. Participants may use restraining devices and bondage toys such as ropes, cords, chains, collars, handcuffs, scarves, ties, suspension kits, cages, etc.

Discipline is almost always symbolic and much lighter than in sadomasochism. Usually, it contains little physical pain or discomfort but relies heavily on verbal abuse, threats, humiliation, and “punishment” to enforce obedience. Where as SM the masochist enjoys being bound, spanked or suffering within the consensual scenario.

SM Sadism is pleasure in the infliction of pain or humiliation upon another person. The sadist enjoys delivering pain to someone/something and gains sexual gratification from doing so, while masochism is pleasure in receiving the pain.

A masochist often believes they deserve the pain or gain not only a sexual release from receiving the pain but has the ability to remove their focus from an emotional pain to a physical pain.

Often sexual gratification depends on suffering, physical pain, and humiliation. The gratification gained from pain, deprivation, degradation can be inflicted or imposed on oneself, either as a result of one's own actions or the actions of others.
 
Safety Within The BDSM World:

  • Participants of BDSM understand practical safety aspects; for instance they recognize which parts of the human body have a risk of damage to nerves and blood vessels by contusion or have a high risk of scar development.
  • The Dom- should have anatomical knowledge which can make the difference between a satisfying session for the bottom, and a highly unpleasant experience that may result in severe physical harm.
  • To ensure consensus related to BDSM activity, pre-play negotiations are commonplace, especially among partners who do not know each other very well. These negotiations concern the interests and fantasies of each partner and establish a framework.
  • Additionally, safe-words are often arranged to provide for an immediate stop of any activity if any participant should so desire. It is extremely important to follow his or her reactions empathetically and continue or stop accordingly.
(This kind of pain/pleasure should be thoroughly thought out and one should have a complete understanding to the possible ramifications before entering in to this world.)


Reading I recomend: 
(All four books are by: Dossie Easton & Janet W. Hardy)
  1. The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities
  2. The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures
  3. The New Bottoming Book
  4. The New Topping Book 

Online Dating

So I went to a Chamber Event for work last week and meet a really nice guy. I gave him my number and was unsure I would hear from him. Two days later I got a text saying hello. Went spent several hours texting back and forth and talking through IM. We set up a coffee date for Sunday morning. The conversation was effortless the way conversation should be.

The issue you may ask? He is 24 years old. Sweet as can be, adorable even but he is a child. He hasn't lived life yet he just graduated from college and is starting Med school. I just don't know that has any real potential. Honestly I have no idea where to meet quality people. Several friends have suggested online dating. Perhaps I will give Match.com a go? Here are some online dating tips I found.



1. The online dating industry generates $1.8 billion per year and the matchmaker/dating coach business generates $260 million per year in the United States.

2. Twenty to 40 million Americans have used online dating services. Nearly 50% of online daters are aged 18-34 and 24% are 35-44.e

3. Speed dating, invented by a rabbi from Los Angeles in 1999, is based on a Jewish tradition of chaperoned gatherings of young Jewish singles.

4. An attractive online “About Me” section in your online dating profile often includes a brief description of what you are passionate about or thankful for, a couple of things your friends say about you, qualities you are looking for in a potential partner, the first thing people notice about you (other than appearance), how you spend your leisure time, five things you can’t live without, and the latest good book you’ve read.

5. Thirty-three percent of online daters form a relationship, 33% do not, and 33% give up.

6. Women who post a photo on Internet dating sites receive twice as many email messages as women who don’t. The same study found that men who reported incomes higher than $250,000 received 156% more email than those with $50,000.

7. In the online dating world, women are afraid of meeting a serial killer. Men are afraid of meeting someone “fat.” According to Ann Rule, about 3% of men are psychopaths, of which only a tiny percentage are serial killers.

8. Match.com reports that 44% of its members in the United States have children.

9. On free dating sites, at least 10% of new accounts are from scammers.

10. One Manhattan matchmaker’s price begins at $20,000. If a match (marriage) results, a marriage bonus is expected.

11. At 4M Multimillionaire Matchmaking Club based in Seattle, WA, clients are men who have made millions but are still single. The matchmaking service charges between $10,000 and $30,000 for men. Women pay around $250 to be listed as potential partners.

12. In a survey of 5,000 singles conducted by Match.com, 43% said fresh breath mattered the most before a date, 17% said stylish clothes, 15% said sexy fragrance, 14% said good skin, and 10% said great hair.

13. Approximately 48% of online daters reported that their breakups occurred via email.

14. On Match.com, 132 million winks are sent out each year and members go out on a six million dates per year.

15. eHarmony.com boasts that 236 of its members marry each day, accounting for 2% of U.S. marriages.


Information and facts are complied from various websites and research.

Support Breast Cancer Awareness


The 8th Annual Blogger "Boobie-Thon" runs October 1-7, 2009 and features bloggers showing their (covered and uncovered) breasts in order to raise money for charity. Submit your photos. Make a donation. It's the charity drive that gives YOU a little somethin' in return.
If you have any questions at all, please contact us.





I believe in supporting Breast Cancer Awarness and promoting Breast Cancer Research. My donation was small but I did donate and I submited the pink bra picture. They take submissions from both male and female so have fun with it and donate a little it is for a good cause. I know my Tatas are very nice and want to preserve them the best I can!


You can DONATE  or SHOP NOW


The Road To Discovering Self Pleasure

In seventh grade I was introduced to romance novels by one of my really good friends. Her mom had hundreds of them in the basement and she would smuggle them out to me. The first one I read grabbed my interest in such a way that I stayed up way into the night reading. Later I found myself completely engrossed in them. I read them on the bus, at lunch, during class hidden beneath the table. I longed to be the woman on the front cover, beautiful and confident. I wanted to experience the pleasure described in those books and know what it was to fall in love.

Slowly my curiosity got the better of me. I remember reading one erotic novel that had me so turned on my cotton panties were drenched in fluid and I wasn’t quite sure why. In the attempt to wipe away all the “messiness” I hit my clitoris just right, discovering the tie between being turned on, the fluid and how to draw out that pleasure.

My antique bed was broken so my mattress and box spring were sitting on the floor. It was already bedtime but my parents were in the living room which was just on the other side of my wall. I was trying to be as quiet as I could so I would not be heard. I rolled over on my stomach and lifted my body up so my fingers could move easily up and down, back and forth.

As I got closer I realized the mattress just had to much give, it molded to me making it harder and harder to get where I was trying to get to. I paused what I was doing and almost gave up in frustration when I then crawled out of bed and laid on the floor. I pumped my little body up and down as if there was a lover beneath me. I closed my eyes and allowed the images of who that was and all the things they could do to me flow through my brain. My fingers just moved back and forth until this hot molten burst exploded through me and I bit down on my own hand to keep from crying out in pleasure.

Rolling over onto my back I just laid on the floor for a moment staring up into the dark waiting for my breath to return to normal. The room smelled of what I had just done and guilt prickled at me. Surly this was not ok. I didn’t want to crawl back into my sheets with the smell on my hand but I didn’t want to open my door and chance my parents asking me why I was  up.

After laying there for about ten minutes the euphoria was wearing off a little and I decided I would just go to the bathroom wash my hands and get a sip of water. That was plausible enough but I now understood what “the room smells like sex” meant and next time I would need to be better prepared.

All This Sex Talk.....

Recently I have had more then a few people call in to question the "need" I have to talk about sex with whomever will listen. Because I speak about sex openly, the impression I have left people with is that I am only capable of talking about sex, which is completely ignorant! Those whom are judging me fail to see, because I am comfortable talking about sex and not ashamed, I am the one a lot of people come to with questions or to ask advice.

I have a ton of secrets floating around in my head that I have never divulged. I have heard about peoples fetishes and fantasies, about their fears and desires. I have even been asked about sex addiction verses being a nymphomaniac. I take their inquiries seriously and I genuinely want to help or at the very least steer them the right direction if I can't.

Perhaps the real question might be, "How did I ever become this person who talks about sex all the time?" Well I am going to put myself up under the microscope for you so you can see for yourself.

Feeling A Littly Mouthy Today!




This song just seems to be INCREDIBLY fitting after the last couple of days I have had. Or perhaps the song has a slight nostalgic feel since the first guy I ever kissed found me on facebook yesterday.

This was a popular jam back in the day when I was in college. That’s right folks with all my big sex talk that I was recently persecuted for( A post to explain will be coming.) I never even kissed a boy until I was 19 years old. OMG-

TOPIC AT HAND: Apparently it is ok and will always be ok for a guy to imply sexual innuendos, joke about sex, email long drawn out letters about all the things you want to do to her, text a woman flat out asking for a booty call, ect… but if a girl/woman actually behaves like she might want to have sex with said boy/man then suddenly she is not a lady.

A woman a “true” lady is not suppose to want sex? Not want intimacy? Not want that euphoric high that comes with cumming with someone. What a woman does not deserve the same pleasures a man does? And if she does she CANNOT under any circumstance discuss it with anyone because it is our SCARLET LETTER of shame that we actually like sex?

WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL I CAN SAY! I am sorry I turn you on but do you damn job and turn me on and let’s fuck because I am a big girl in charge of my own body and I don’t care if you JUDGE me at least I am having sex and enjoying it with whomever I choose.

Sorry for the overtly crass nature of this post since most of my posts/blog is not this crass. My sincere apologies.

NST-Thoughts


I have not written a NST for today but I have already at this early hour read two very good ones.

a girls gotta have options & Slowburn


I like the idea of choosing an NST theme/story for the month and then writing it out over the 3-4 weeks of Tuesdays for the month. It would definitely keep people on their toes waiting in anticipation for Tuesday to hurry up and get here. Besides anything that can make a Monday come and go is a good thing.

Just my thoughts. I am so glad Fruit Taster introduced us all to Naughty Story Tuesday *smiles* Happy Tuesday fellow bloggers.

September NST Part Two



The buttons hit the floor and my mind was telling me this was a really bad idea. It wasn't that I did not want to but more that his dismissive ways afterwards had grown tiresome.

As my mind began building a defense I could feel my knees begin to sway. "STOP!" I grabbed his head and pulled it towards my face and away from my breasts.

"I think the wine has gone to my head, excuse me for a minute." I stated all breathless. He looked at me with the chocolate brown eyes and I could see the need and desire dancing in them.

As I walked toward the bathroom I tried to pull the shirt closed over my exposed breasts. Closing the bathroom I looked at my reflection. Several minutes passed as I leaned against the porcelain pedestal sink. A soft knock echoed through the small bathroom.

"Are you ok? Can I come in?" His smooth voice entered the room as he pushed the door open before waiting to hear my response. He now had his shirt off and looking at his bare chest made me want to spread my hands across the broadness and rake my nails down the front.

Without warning he leaned in and aggressively took a kiss from me. My hands went up and push against his chest. "I cannot do this. It is only when it is convenient to you and that does not work for me."

"I missed you." He said. "Just let me touch you." His hands reached for the button of my dress pants. I began to struggle against him to twist away from him.

"But it never ends with just a little touching." I felt my resolve caving as he nuzzled into my neck with kisses as he simultaneously undid my dress pants and had them and my panties down at my knees in one swift motion.

"Just a little bit." as his lips met mine again. Then his fingers were moving inside me. "You know you want this!" He pulled away. His withdraw took the fullness of his fingers. I opened my eyes and looked at him confused and longingly for it to not be over quite yet.

Almost devastated that could be it, he wheeled me around and bent me over the sink. He spread my legs and then I felt his tongue. I inhaled deeply as the sink bit at my stomach.

He entered me swiftly and powerfully, the motion moved us both forward. I could see the reflection of us in the mirror poised above the sink so I reached up and turn the light off.

“Don’t you want that on?” He reached over to turn it back on. Then his hands went back to holding my hips and moving in and out.

“NO!” It came out more in a moan than a plea to stop. I reached up turning the switch off. I left my hand over it, for I could not bare for him to see me in such a compromising position.

With every move of his engorged cock, I felt the liquid heat building. I bit down hard on my own wrist to keep from crying out as I felt his orgasm explode in me and my walls tighten around him. We both just collapsed forward, bent over the tiny pedestal sink while we caught our breath.

Aphrodisiacs

Since I have been asked more than once, “What are some of the most popular aphrodisiacs?" and  "What food should a person eat to make their "fluids" taste sweeter?”

I decided to compile a list. Hope you enjoy all the tastiness in store for you.


Aphrodisiacs- all kinds of magic substances, foods, activities, scents and herbs thought to enhance sexual desire and influence erotic life of lovers. Named after Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of sexual love and sensuality, an aphrodisiac is anything that turns you on. The most powerful of aphrodisiacs are those influencing our physiological and psychological state.

Fruits and Vegetables
Strawberries-sweet fluids
Apple
Acai Berry
Apricot
Avocado
Cantaloupe-sweet fluids
Cherry
Cranberry
Raspberry
Watermelon
Chile Pepper
Tomato
Peach- sweet fluids
Pineapple-sweet fluids
Mango-sweet fluids
Grapes
Celery
Pomegranate
Pumpkin

Herbs and Spices
Cinnamon
Rosemary
Tarragon
Vanilla Saffron
Garlic
Nutmeg
Drinks
Coconut Water
Red Wine
Absinthe
Coffee
Pepper
Out of the Ocean
Sea Cucumber
Lobster
Shrimp
Shark
Clams
Conch
Blowfish
Seaweed
Tuna
Sea Urchin

Others
Mushrooms
Wedding cake
Lavender
Turkey
Nuts
Oats
Ginseng

Scents
Basil- is known as an aphrodisiac with sweet energizing aroma.
Jasmine- is a heady floral scent and aphrodisiac for both sexes.
Lavender- scent is a turn-on for men. It is powerful in balancing emotions, calming, charming.
Neroli- is a virtually powerful aphrodisiac with intoxicating floral scent. An aphrodisiac for seduction and flirting.
Ylang Ylang- is one of the most powerful aphrodisiacs. Increases libido and attraction between lovers. Gives energy and eroticism.

Your Five Variable Love Profile

I don't know that this is completely accurate but it was something interesting to do on a Friday night.


Propensity for Monogamy:

Your propensity for monogamy is high.
You find it easy to be devoted and loyal to one person.
And in return, you expect the same from who you love.
Any sign of straying, and you'll end things.

Experience Level:

Your experience level is high.
You've loved, lost, and loved again.
You have had a wide range of love experiences.
And when the real thing comes along, you know it!

Dominance:

Your dominance is medium.
You tend to be the one with more power.
You aren't a total control freak in relationships..
But of course you don't mind getting you way!

Cynicism:

Your cynicism is medium.
You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love...
But you've definitely been burned enough to know better.
You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist.

Independence:

Your independence is medium.
In relationships, you need both "me time" and "we time".
You usually find it easy to be part of a couple.
But occasionally you start to feel a little smothered.

http://www.blogthings.com/thefivevariablelovetest/

Plato

Rhetoric is the art of ruling the minds of men.

Question For The Readers

So tonight I was asked about super sensitivity post sex. He even joked I should blog on the topic and find out what my "community of people" think/know about it.

After he cums he is super sensitive to any touch. Every part of his body is ticklish or touching him anywhere sends tingles all over his body. It is to the extreme as if he might jump out of his skin just by my breath lightly caressing his skin.

Any thoughts?

September NST-Part One



He invited me over for a glass of wine and I foolishly agreed. I did enjoy his company when he was brave enough to lower his guard and let me in just a little.

Seeing the familiar fatigues draped over the back of the chair, I closed my eyes and inhaled a deep breath. I thought I had put him out of my mind, I thought I had rid him from my thoughts but he slowly crept back in without my permission.

Needing just a second more so I could steady my nerves, I kept my eyes closed. As I breathed in and out his smell filled my nostrils creating a flash of images to scroll past. Memories of falling out of his bed, laughing as I looked into his brown eyes, wanting to touch the scar above his brow consumed me.

Feeling his breath on my ear, I leaned back into him. Through my dress pants I could feel his semi hard cock on my butt cheeks, I knew right then I was in trouble.

I forced my brain to tell my eyes to open and make my feet take a few steps forward. In doing so GI-Joe’s hands slid down the length of my arms and fell to his sides. Spinning on his heel as he casually threw over his shoulder, “How about that glass of wine?” acting as if he was completely unaffected by my presences.

“Umm…Sure, but I can only stay a few minutes then I need to get home.” I watched as he methodically took out the two wine glasses and rinsed them under the running water. He then tore off two paper towels and dried each glass thoroughly before setting it back on to the counter.

He selected a bottle of red wine from several sitting neatly in the wine caddy. He popped the cork out and tilted the wine glass to a slight angel. The crimson liquid flowed into the glass smoothly then he handed me one and poured the other.

I raised the glass to take a sip and paused to look at him, I mean really look at him. My mind was reeling with what I should do and what I wanted to do. My mind was made up; my clothes were staying on this time! I was here as a friend saying hello and enjoying a glass of wine that is it.

“What do you think?” He asked looking right at me.

“I’m sorry what?” Staring at him dumbfounded or spellbound, I have not decided which. “About the wine, do you like it?”

“Oh, yes it is quite nice.” Swirling the last little bit in the bottom of the glass, I took the final sip. Before I could even put the glass down on the counter GI-Joe snatched it from my hand and placed it on the counter. He stepped forward grabbing me around the waist and then his lips were on mine.

The heady scent of the wine exchanged back and forth, as our tongues mingled together. I barley felt myself taking backward steps until my back was firmly pushed into the wall. He raised my wrists above my head and ripped my blouse open.

Hearing the buttons hit the tiled floor as he leaned down to devour my breasts, my mind was screaming stop, but my body did not want to listen.

To Be Continued……

Dominate Me

Having been told by more than one person I am a lot to handle; I need to find a man that can “handle” me. I need a man that knows how to take charge.

Let me clarify…Take charge in the bedroom.

I want a man that will initiate sex. One that wants me so damn bad he can barely make it past the front door before he is ripping my clothes off. Someone who will fling me on to the bed and come take what he wants. I want a man that can be forceful but also tender and loving.

Recently I have found myself selecting men whom are in positions of authority with the hope I will find someone that has more of that “authoritative dominate” personality. The biggest issue for me though is finding a man that understands the differences between being dominating in a good way and controlling and cruel.

I have always been a very strong person in character and in personality, partly because I had to be and partly because it is just who I am. While I want to be dominated it does not mean I shouldn't have an opinion. It is a delicate balance between bending and breaking, between willful and ordering, between taking no and being a doormat.

So……DO YOU EXSIT?

Dating Facts

Since I never dated much prior to marring I am extremely rusty. Well honestly I have no idea what I am doing. I am a firm believer in being knowledgeable and prepared can put you ahead of the game, so I compiled a few dating facts from various sources. Maybe my dating life will get a little better, or at least I can hope.


1.The third week in September is National Singles Week in the U.S. (Over 50% of all singles in America have not had a date in more than two years.)

2.According to the U.S. census, there are 95.9 million unmarried people in the U.S. of which 47% are men and 53% are women.

3.Ninety-two percent of single parents would rather date other single parents.

4.Researchers at the University of Chicago found that people were twice as likely to find a date through friends and family as through the bar scene.

5.Studies show that schools, colleges, coffee shops, and malls are all excellent places to flirt because people are more open to meeting others in these places. Poor locations are restaurants and movie theaters.

6.If a man can’t decide what to wear on a date, he might want to wear blue. Studies show that women are attracted to men in blue. (I am partial to stripes *wink*)

7.If you want to create an instant link with a date, say his or her name at least twice in the conversation. This shows attentiveness and connectiveness.

8.Mirroring, or repeating someone’s body language, often impresses a date because it subtly conveys interest to the other person. (One should avoid copying every move.)

9.Studies show that remembering bits of information about a person and working them into conversations not only is highly flattering but also shows interest.

10.Choosing exciting places for a first date increases the chances of the other person falling for you. There is a definitive link between danger and physical/romantic attraction. (Italian food is one of the most popular restaurants for a first date.)

11.A woman can increase the likelihood of a man approaching her if she uncrosses her arms, makes subtle eye contact, and smiles.

12.Worst places to go on first date include fast-food restaurants, your kids’ birthday party or school play, your parents’ house, strip clubs, X-rated films or swingers parties, a party where your ex will be, church activities, or window shopping.

13.Studies show that men are put off by groups of loud women. If a woman wants to get a date, she should break away from a loud group to give a man a chance to approach her.

14.On average, daters will kiss on the second date. (If the date went well I would like a kiss at the end of the first date. I want to feel that invisible tug behind my belly button. No invisible tug=no second date.)

15.When a man first approaches a woman, she will base 55% of her initial impression of him on his appearance and body language, 38% on his style of speaking, and 7% on what he actually says.

16.If a woman is interested in her date, she will often smile at his jokes, play with her hair, fidget with an object such as a glass, blush when he pays her a compliment, pout or pucker her mouth, stumble over words, or lean in towards him.

17.Humans like mystery and “the chase,” so don't be too “available” to a date. Dating experts typically suggest not sleeping too early with a date because the longer the chase, the more likely love will blossom. (Twenty-nine percent of Americans have had sex on the first date.)

18.Dating specialists suggest that if a woman does not return a call after two messages, she is not interested. (Did not find a standard rule of thumb for a guy. Anyone want to leave a comment as to their rule of thumb?)

19.Five types of women that men tend to avoid are serial flirters, someone who talks about marriage too soon, clingy women, the party-girl, and a woman who talks too much or is drama queen.

20.Four common date blunders include showing up late, talking about yourself too much, revealing too much about your ex, and an obvious over-eagerness.


Information and facts are complied from various websites and research.

Dreaming Of You Tonight

In my dreams you have finally appeared
Never finding you no longer feared
Your lips pressed firmly to mine
Fingers slowly intertwine
Searching in the dark
A glutinous journey do we embark
Making love in the intensity of the night
With you my soul takes to flight
It has been far to long since my lips have touched yours.

Have You Ever......

Her words just resonated with me tonight!




Have you ever been so wowed by someone, all your words come out wrong?

Have you ever meet someone that makes you melt inside?

Have you ever wanted someone so much, everything else pales in comparison?

Have you ever let a lie wrap its self around you, you made yourself believe it was the truth?

Have you ever had to let go of something you wanted to hold on to forever?

Have you ever loved someone so much, it makes you cry?

Fellatio


Giving a blow-job, head, fellatio whatever one may call it is something I enjoy very much. One of my girlfriends was married for years had three kids and divorced, yet she had never given head before. I tried to explain how much she was missing out on. For me there is a sexual charge, a feeling of being dominated by him as well as knowing I hold a certain level of power in controlling his orgasm.

I love when his cock is throbbing with anticipation and I take it into my mouth and allow my tongue to weave a story of pleasure. Locking eyes with him and watching his face, hearing his moans, having him cum as a direct response to my touch, my body, my presences. His body is crying out in ecstasy and that excites me!

I find it extremely erotic to pleasure my partner in this way, so here are a few tips on how to perfect the art of fellatio.

Show enthusiasm: The best fellatio involves a giver who is totally into it. You absolutely, positively must be into giving this man a blowjob, otherwise no one will enjoy it. Smile, give him that naughty look, love what you are doing. It is scientifically proven that people feel better when they see someone else smile - and that is your goal - to give your man the most intense sexual pleasure ever! Make him Never desire another woman's mouth.

Set the scene: Although a quickie blowjob in an elevator certainly should have its place in your sexual repertoire, most men will enjoy a blowjob to the fullest in a more relaxed setting. The best oral sex begins long before you take off his clothes and involves much more than just your mouth. Use everything available to you to pleasure him, be swept away by the moment and do what feels good to you and your partner.

Explore his whole body: Start slowly. Touch, lick, and kiss your partner, not just the areas that turn him on but the ones that turn you on as well: the nape of his neck, his earlobes, his chest, his nipples, his round buttocks, feet, thighs, ect… Every man is different, and every encounter is different: the same man might love a gentle touch one night, but want more aggressive play another night. Don’t be afraid to try new things.

Start slowly: Delight in the sensation of his cock stiffing within your hand or mouth. Lick the whole shaft as if you where licking or sucking on a popscicle. (A great way to cool off in the summer and practice your skills.) With your hands, mouth, and tongue, explore every inch. Run your tongue along the shaft, along his testicles, then move back up the shaft slowly, working your way to the head.

Pay particular attention to the frenulum, which is where the head meets the shaft. Most men find this an intensely sensitive area. Run your tongue along it, first gently, then a little harder. Feel the smooth, hard surface against your lips, kiss it, lick it, tease it. Now slowly take the hard, sensitive head entirely in your mouth while using your tongue to stimulate the frenulum.

Build and increase the action: Stick out your tongue and say “ah.” Leave your tongue out of your mouth and use it to pleasure his frenulum as you stroke. Try sucking on his penis, creating a vacuum-like tightness and pressure. Don’t be afraid to suck hard, as many men enjoy that strong sensation. Suck on the head, or take all of it in your mouth and maintain the suction the entire time you slide it in and out of your mouth.

Draw your lips into a tight circle, so there is almost a popping sound when the head moves in and out. You can try long, hard strokes along the entire shaft with just your tongue or with your mouth, or quick light strokes with your mouth just on the head. There are an almost infinite number of ways to pleasure a cock.

Play around with different moves and see to what he responds. When you find something he enjoys, stay with it for a few minutes. Never do the exact same things for an extended period, as the effect of even the most wonderful sensations diminish with time.

Give yourself a helping hand: Never let your hands lie still and go unused while you give a blowjob! I cannot stress this point enough. Use your hand to stroke his shaft below where your mouth is, move your hand in the opposite direction of your mouth or use it as a way to follow the tug and sensation of your mouth. At this point, you may want to apply lube to his nice erect cock. (Be sure to choose a lube that is tasteless and odorless or one where you like the taste and smell.)

Do NOT neglect his balls and anus: Testicular stimulation is highly erotic for most men. Try using your hands to pleasure his balls, or stroke his cock with your hand and use your mouth and tongue to lick and suck his balls. Most men enjoy having their testicles cupped or played with.

A great many men enjoy anal stimulation. While your mouth is busy with his cock, gently touch the sensitive anus with the tip of your finger. If he does not discourage you, insert a lubed finger in his anus. (As in all sensitive erogenous zones, there may be a fine line between pleasure and pain, and each man has his own threshold that may shift over time, so be attentive to his responses.)

The moment of truth: You have spent a lot of time learning what he likes, now it is time to give it ALL to him at once! Assume the position, any position that allows you to reach his cock with your mouth. When you sense he is ready to cum, quicken the pace. Timing is everything; at this point, you should be pumping fast and furiously with your mouth, or your hand. DO NOT slow the pace no matter how sore or tired your mouth or hands become. Keep the rhythm going and don’t stop. Make sure you pace yourself during the blowjob so that you can finish with a sprint. Virtually all men enjoy rapid-fire pumping at the end, but some men like it light and others like a firmer hand. Experiment with pressure and speed.

To Swallow or Not To Swallow- that is the question: When I choose to swallow with someone it is an intimate act regarding how I feel about that particular man. Most men enjoy it when you swallow, however some people find it less than pleasant. The taste of semen is fairly mild, but can vary tremendously from man to man, and even for the same man at different times. The key to sweet tasting semen is eating lots of fruit.

Some people find deep throating at the moment of ejaculation helpful, but if you absolutely cannot bring yourself to swallow under any circumstances, you can discreetly spit the semen into a tissue or towel. Or better yet, pull his cock out of your mouth at the last moment and have him ejaculate on your breasts or body.

Hopefully these tips are helpful. We can get into deep throating and props such as ice, Altoids, pearls ect... in another post.

When Is Giving In The Same As Giving Up?

Last night a friend made a bold statement making me reflect and ponder: "When does giving in become giving up?"

Completely beaten down he declared he no longer was going to ask for sex, expect it or even want it. That if him and his wife engaged in the act then they did and if not he was going to just accept that was what his marriage had become.

With clarity I remember reaching that frustrated and defeated point with my ex. The more I longed for intimacy the more he withdrew and resented me. There was this insistent seductive tug of denial that it would not always be this way. I thought I could give in to keep the peace, learn to be grateful for when he did want me because after all at least every now and then he did.

It took awhile for me to realize I was not compromising or giving in to his wishes but that I was being asked to silence an immutable part of who I am. I deserved to be loved wholly and fully and giving up and accepting what he gave me was accepting less then what I deserved.

I was not just trying to appease him but to learn to conform more to what his idea of a wife should be. I gave in to his way of thinking because I did not want to lose him or all that we had but with every passing day that my needs and desires were quieted the more I disappeared.

Another friend separated from his wife about a year ago for reasons I am unsure of, but recently I found out he had moved back in. When I asked if things had gotten better he responded not really but she was threatening to move out of state with his children. He moved back for his kids which I can understand and respect but how awful to be manipulated back in to a situation that he had obviously left for a reason.

The sacrifice of your own happiness for another eventually wears on a person. There is only so much one can take before they break, snap, or disappear. Giving in to these kinds of extremes is beyond trying to compromise but should be classified as giving up.

Accepting less then what you deserve in the long run will not make anyone happy, you are simply squandering your life away and theirs.

Obsessed

I require you to be near
Breathe in your scent
Lust, desire, need
Intoxication of you
The sweetest drug
You make me wanton!
I do not wish to crash
Like a junkie, Obsessed
How do I let go?
Put you out of my mind
Maybe a quick fix.....
I will try to quit tomorrow

Perceptions

In a previous post I wrote about The Art Of Intimacy. My intentions when I wrote the piece was to remind couples to notice the small things; however what I failed to realize was the perception of what one person believes is an intimate act may not be perceived as intimate by another. This raised an interesting question; how can I expect my partner to know that engaging in these acts show trust or that they should be viewed as an honor if their perception varies from mine?

Lighting a few candles and allowing the hot water to melt the stress away is divine after a long day. No matter if it is the beginning of the day and I am getting ready for work or it is the end of the day; washing my hair, shaving and soaping up every inch of my body is a very private act.

When I choose to shower with someone I am inviting them into my quiet hiding place. It is an extremely intimate act that has nothing or very little to do with sex or being sexy but more of a way to get lost in each other for a few moments of every day.

I know in that twenty or thirty minutes I have your undivided attention. The world cannot touch us. No emails to check, phones ringing, clients demanding attention, kids wanting something, it is just you and me and the hot water cascading around us. I am asking you to share my space, my private time and tell me about your day.

The idea of sleeping next to someone, lying in their arms, and waking up beside them to me is more intimate then sex. To let your guard down and trust that person enough to sleep next to them, to know you will wake looking nothing like when you went to bed. Knowing that you may snore, kick, talk in your sleep, sweat, or god forbid fart while sleeping next to this person, (to me the idea of embarrassing myself is mortifying) so this act is reserved for someone very important to me.

I am not prone to turning on the "water works" to get my way. I would rather take a beating or my punishment whatever that may be than have someone see me be vulnerable and cry. I do not ever like looking weak in front of anyone. Not my friends, my family, my kids, my co-workers, not anyone so if you see me tear up or cry to me that should speak volumes about how I feel about you as a person.

Intimacy is so much deeper then just lowering your inhibitions with someone. Regardless if it dancing or something sexual there is the risk that they will think you are foolish or freaky. There is the risk of being judged by someone you trust and care about which is why if I do lower my guard an engage in some of these things that I hold sacred it is a big freakin deal.

Each person has their own set of preconceived ideas of what is intimate and sacred, I would love to know your thoughts and add to my list. I have several more but.... you know some things I don't share easily.

Savior vs. Saved

It is crazy ironic how calling Parker out, and then talking to Jack about the "Savior Complex" made me realize something about my own MO. If I have said it once I have typed it or spouted it off a thousand times, I DO NOT need to be saved or rescued. If I don't fall in to the needing to be "Saved" then by default do I fall under "Savior?"

This was actually quite a revelation because I never considered myself as a "savior" or one who needed "saving." I want to be strong, brave, and stand on my own two feet, so who am I trying to save?

There are numerous people in my life that are fragile, weak, must be handled with kid gloves. They are broken in some way, emotionally messed up, incapable of standing up for themselves or need someone who is stronger than they are to guide them.

Even in my youth I found those that needed "saving" or they found me. I find myself wanting to instill in them the qualities that I value and feel are important. To let them know they deserve more, they can ask for better, that they can be courageous. I naively wanted to right wrongs.

I surround myself with people, men in particular that are emotionally unavailable. After a really wonderful weekend with Jack, I was hit square in the face with the reality, with his trust depleted he is utterly emotionally unavailable. I was not the one he wished he was with but a person that filled the void. I was a band-aid to a pain he has not yet processed. It would not matter the level of friendship I may or may not be looking for, he is reluctant to see the potential.

The sad thing is; Parker, GI-Joe and even my ex fall into the same category. Somehow I must think I can change them, fix them, make them all better. I want them to see what I see in them, the potential for greatness. They are not capable, not ready or are unwilling to share their thoughts or life.

They stay guarded, refuse to trust or take risks. They have become jaded by wrongs and have detached themselves from connecting with people to avoid getting hurt. If you do not care, if you don't get attached then you are completely safe in your isolation.

Am I trying to save them by letting my strength and determination rub off on them? Helping someone, seeing them change and evolve into a stronger person makes me feel like I am making a difference, that if every person is the main character in their own story that I am the best supporting actress I can be. Make them trust, demand change, expect better, or learn to stand on their own.

Perhaps it is not completely altruistic, but a way to make a mark in a world that is bigger than me!
Meeting at a time of torment
A tortured past we can not circumvent
Will I be punished for her mistake
Cradled in your arms I shake
Minutes tick by, my mind floods with doubt
You said stay until the sun comes out
Let go and trust, I long to stay
A ferment of emotions, my resolve begins to fray
Wishing I was her, of that I am fully aware
Not being enough, more then I can bear

O-livia or O-liver??

The time had finally come, it was time for me to replace B.O.B. I really had no reason or justification for waiting so long to replace him but it took me almost four months to do so. I perused several websites and manufactures before deciding I just had to have the LELO-Liv. I ordered it on Sunday from http://www.edenfantasys.com and it arrived on Thursday.

I felt myself get a little giddy when I spotted it sitting on my door step. I was meeting a girlfriend for drinks but I knew if I made haste, it could charge while I was out. Quickly I ran upstairs to the bedroom. As I placed it on the charger I admired the craftsmanship of the Liv.

Navy blue is my favorite color so I was really digging the shape as well as the color. Having high expectations for my new toy I am torn on the name. I like O-Livia or O-Liver. Thoughts? Perhaps it will depend on where my fantasies take me at the moment of use. Finally home I stripped out of my clothes and slipped between my sheets without procrastination. Turning the Liv on I played with the settings for only a minute or two before I cranked it to the most powerful setting. You can customize your experience by cycling through five patterns: steady vibration, 3 escalating pulses, an up-and-down vibration mode and 7 power settings.

After my disappointment with Paul & Paulina I could not risk the Liv not being powerful enough and I was not disappointed. The Liv superseded my expectations and I came promptly. When I just want to "jump" I like the #7. It gets you to the happy place very quickly. I have not slowed down enough to try all the various combinations but I am excited at the possibilities.

Final thoughts: The fact that this toy is rechargeable is one of the reasons I love it so much, but the other reason is that the charger is compatible with other LELO toys. I am fond of the Fun Factory brand, however I was not impressed with the last toy I bought from them. It was not nearly powerful enough and eats batteries to quickly. I had a very different and much more pleasurable experience with the LIV from LELO.


Side Note: My reviews are simply my view. I am not tied to any manufactures, so my opinions are solely how I feel about the toy I am reviewing. Hope you find the review helpful, one way or another.

Info: LELO is a Swedish sex life accessory label with a distinct design philosophy and brand profile. Their pleasure objects breathe an air of simplicity, sensuality and sophistication. Their official site is http://en.lelo.com Since they are based over seas if you are State side you will want to look at websites such as: http://www.edenfantasys.com or http://www.babeland.com

Dimensions:
Length: 6.8
Width: 1.2
Weight: 3.2 ounces
Materials: phthalate-free silicone
Five pre-programmed pleasure modes
Seven powerful settings
A virtually silent engine
Rechargeable- a 2 hour charge will provide up to 1.5 hours of bliss.
Comes presented in an elegant gift box, accessorised with charger, manual, satin pouch and a 1-year LELO warranty.

Thoughts & Opinions

I was on a roll this week. I kinda laid in to everyone around me. I took it upon myself to point out flaws and weaknesses despite it may not/was not my place to do so. It made me wonder; do I too freely give away my thoughts and opinions?

For those that know me best it is a quality that can be annoying but it also is a characteristic that is respected. I give tough love, I state truths that you often know but are unwilling to face or accept. I get in your face and challenge you, I make you think. At the root of it that is who I am.

I was talking to a Parker yesterday and I kinda let him have it. My opinion was most likely one sided and very bias, however it was the way I saw it. Like it or not he asked for me to explain so I did. Considering I was harsh I felt he took all of what I said well. He disagreed on some things and conceded on others.

I want the people in my life that truly matter to me to be stronger, be braver, demand better, ask for more, believe they deserve the best. I guess I try to much to make people be like me.

I want to let the good things cultivate and harvest in my soul. I want them to be the building blocks of making a better me. I guess I want the same for the people I really care about.

The Four Horseman of the Marital Apocalypse

Part Two

In a previous post I discussed the first two Horsemen; criticism and defensiveness. Here are the last two Horsemen: stonewalling and contempt.

Stonewalling or with-drawling:Stonewalling is more common in men than in women. The stonewaller tends to ignore his partner and does not give any signs of responsiveness, this usually only makes his spouse even angrier. This behavior tends to enter marriages long after the honeymoon stage. It is a false way to “keep the peace.”

I know with my ex, the more he withdrew, the more he stonewalled, the more he denied there were problems, the more hurt and angry I became. I began to feel like there wasn’t any passion left. I could not get him to make love to me but even worse he could not muster up enough passion and heat to fight with me. It was like he accepted defeat, waved the white flag but forgot to tell me.

I think we both ended up with-drawling. We got comfortable in our exit strategies and took comfort in them. He would watch sports or play xbox. He seemed to always be working or on the phone about work. I would read or write, watch tv in the other room or play with the kids. Soon we kept in close proximity because it was expected. I wanted to be near him but at the same time I resented him for not giving me what I needed.

I can only speculate that perhaps he to felt the same way. That he loved me and wanted to be near but the the wounds inflicted by each other would creep into the consciousness and contempt and discord grew.

Contempt: Contempt is a feeling of disdain or scorn, an open disrespect or willful disobedience. Contempt attacks your partner’s sense of self with the intention to insult or psychologically abuse him/her. Contempt can include; insults or name calling, hostile humor, sarcasm or mockery. As well as contemptuous body language and tone of voice: sneering, rolling your eyes or curling your upper lip.

I am sure my ex would proclaim loudly that I used this horseman on a regular basis, mind you not always just when it came to communicating issues. He was forever telling me that with the educational background in relationships I had, that I tended to talk down to him. He of course would say this as he rolled his eyes at me like he was a teenager being disciplined.

Have you ever seen the movie; Saving Silverman? My ex would always joke that he felt like he was, “In therapy with Judith.” Like he was being counseled by a one sided biases that had an agenda. Knowing what I know simply meant I was more keyed into the signs that things were going sideways but he refused to hear or see. I would get so frustrated at his refusal that there were issues that needed to be addressed.

I think I did become very contemptuous towards the end. I was tired! I was tired of not being heard. I was tired of not being seen. I was tired of feeling like I was the only one who cared if the marriage worked or not. I was tired of not being taken seriously. I was exhausted at the end. My heart was tattered and torn. I was unsure how to keep going. The more I pressed for us to seek help the more he kept stonewalling and denying there were issues at all.

Finally when faced on the side of the road with proof staring right into his face there was no more room for denial, just volatile contempt from both of us. I think years of issues that had never been addressed spilled forth. Things I never knew even bothered him because he would not utter a word but hold it all in.

My contempt had an outward presence where as I think his was guarded and held on tightly within himself. Both ended up being equally damaging. To me it is so devastating to know that there was a way to fix things. I did not want to throw away twelve years of marriage. We had survived so much; moves across the country, ups and downs, kids, mortgage, and even job loss. To me, there was a lot of good still left to rebuild on but you cannot make the other person do it if their will and heart are not in it.

I hope Gottman's Four Horsemen have given you some insight in to your relationship. With new found respect for each other and the help of a counselor your marriage is salvageable. The biggest factor in turning things around is; a genuine willingness to work towards a resolution. Both parties have to be willing to be raw and honest with each other because a partnership or a marriage takes work. It is a constant work in progress. You never stop growing or learning or evolving, when you do there is only atrophy and death.

Try a few of the following tips to help stay on point and communicate what you are feeling in a more positive way.

1.Learn to make specific complaints and requests. When X happened, I felt Y, I want/need Z.
2. Learn to communicate consciously by speaking the unarguable truth.
3. Learn to listen generously, listen for accuracy, and with empathy. Listen for what your partner really wants.
4. Validate your partner. Let your partner know what makes sense to you about what they are saying; let them know you understand what they are feeling, see through their eyes.
5. Shift to appreciation. (5 positive interactions are necessary to compensate for one negative interaction)
6. Claim responsibility: “What can I learn from this?” & “What can I do about it?”
7. Re-write your inner script. Notice when you are thinking critical, contemptuous or defensive thoughts.
8. Practice getting undefended; allowing your partner’s utterances to be what they really are: just thoughts and puffs of air and let go of the stories/exaggerations that you are making up.

References:

Gottman, John M. The Marriage Clinic, NY: WW Norton & Company; 1999.

Canary D., Cody M., & Manusov V. Interpersonal Communication: A Goals-Based Approach, MA: Bedford/St. Martin’s; 2003.