C.S. Lewis

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

A Little Grey Matter

Despite what I have always been told, I have come to realize there is not always a right or wrong choice, sometimes it can be both.

When in the thick of things you may think you are doing everything right and making all the right choices but really you don't know if it was the right choice until the reward or consequences to said choice(s) are reveled.

Having always given good sound advice to others regarding life in general, relationships and love, I find myself drowning in what can only be categorized as either bad or wrong choices.

Looking back always allows one to see things more clearly, yet I find myself wondering how did I get to where I am? Where did it all go wrong? Is there a way to pin point the pivotal moment in time when making a simple correction could have changed things monumentally?

Not that it matters since I can't go back in time to change it, but how do I set my path right? I feel lost, like I am floundering and helpless to change anything.

I need a compass so I may be guided back in the right direction.


Concubine: A woman who cohabits with an important man, with a difference in social status.
Mistress: A man's long-term female sexual partner and companion who is not married to him.
Paramour: An woman's illicit lover! In 18th- and 19th-century Venice the terms "cicisbeo" and "cavalier servente" were used to describe a man who was the professed gallant and lover of a married woman.

These terms have been around for centuries, and most often they carry very negative connotations. My question is, "Why does it have to be negative?" There is something very appealing and erotic about the idea of a lover that will only ever see me at my best.

My Paramour would see me as a Goddess. He would be my sex slave meant to do my bidding. I would not have to impress him, he would have to impress me. Our time together would be spent worshiping each others bodies, basking in the pleasure of each others touch. I would be flawless, perfect for those moments we are together. Responsibilities paused, worries set aside, and I am finally seen the way I wish to be seen.

He would never see me without make-up on or in my 'around the house' cloths. He would never see me putting anti-ageing cream on my face. I would never have to pick up after him, cook for him, or feel like I have to ask ten times for something to be done.

I would never have to pretend I like sports or his interests. I am not pouring out my thoughts and ideas to a person completely uninterested and I in turn don't have to pretend that his stories are deeply profound and riveting.

No time is wasted putting my best foot forward. I would never see disapointment cross his face because I was lacking. I would never have to meet his mother or family or friends. I would never be told I was not smart enough or pretty enough, or just flat out not good enough!

He would never see me at my weakest moment. He wouldn't have the power or ability to make me sad, see me cry or be vulnerable. I would be perfect for the brief time we are together and then we part, going our separate ways until those carnal needs sneak up again.

Yes, I think a Paramour would be ideal. I am taking applications!


Pursuit of a future turns myopic
A strong facade falters
Concious ignorance breaking me
While deliberate deception envelopes truth
Melancoly almost devoring all hope


To hemorrhage words, To bleed thoughts, To write, That is my passion

I love words, but what I really love is a powerful well chosen vocabulary. My word choice is executed with thought. How will that word or description shape the piece? When my words wash over you they should create a feeling, an intense reaction, if that happens then I did my job.

These are only but a few of my favorites, for if I were to put them all it would be easier to say, "Pick up a dictionary they are all in there."

Ambiguity: unclear, multiple meanings depending on context. Life is full of ambiguity, intentions of people are ambiguous.

Catapulted: thrust forward with force. I like this word because it almost implies you had no choice, rather you are propelled forward against your will.

Eviscerate: To take away a vital or essential part of, the removal of something.

Frivolous: Needless, not serious in content or attitude or behavior

Incandescent: Admitting light, shinning,characterized by ardent emotion or intensity or brilliance.

Inexorable: Not to be placated or appeased or moved by

Malleable: To mold, to shape, easily influenced. "I am malleable in your hands."

Naughty: This may be one of my most favorite words and yet it is such a simple word. The meaning it can carry, the things it can imply is what makes it my favorite!

Negate: To contradict or prove false.

Poignant: Arousing effect, keenly distressing to the mind or feelings.

Precarious: Fraught with danger, not secure.

Resonate: bouncing around in my head, reverberating off my skull, playing over and over in my head the same sad song. Broken records making me hear all my worst fears.

Salacious: Characterized by lust. That says it all!

Usurped: bound to, chained to

Voracity: Extreme gluttony. Applied in the context of desire or lust this word creates a visual that you just can't get enough. You want more and more until there is nothing left. Just the right word to end on!

To all my faithful readers and followers, thank you for your comments and support. It means the world to me.

Reality and Fantasy Molding Together Creating Pleasure

The line between reality and fantasy finally blurred and became something tangible. Parker's fingers were laced with mine as we reached that pivotal moment of sweet release. Hours spent together kissing and touching each other. Sometimes it was soft caresses and at other times it was with an urgency that could not be molded into words.

Every morsel of him was as delicious as I had imagined and I basked in the after math of that knowledge. His lips now knew me they knew my body. His fingers took a journey mapping out all my pleasure points. Discovering what made me purr and I in turn discovered what made his toes curl so he would call out my name.

I hated that in just a little while I would have to leave the comfort of his strong arms. Life had to resume outside of the four walls we had secluded ourselves to. Until we find ourselves together again know you are never far from my thoughts or fantasies.