Filler Of Holes


The sun warms my shoulders as I sip my well prepared four dollar and thirty-two cent coffee. Gazing around I see hands reaching for other hands, fingers softly stroking a cheek and smiles on the faces of couples who are soaking in the sun on this warm Sunday morning. It brings me back to a conversation I had with a friend about marriage and relationships. The question proposed seemed so simple, yet it has weaved in and out of my sub-consciousness for months. “Can any one person truly fill all the needs of another?” Weighing heavy on my heart and mind I acknowledged the need to examine my own relationship. What critical needs must be met in order for a relationship to flourish?

I find myself floundering to put those needs into words. Often we do not know what they are until they have been met or our partner falls short, disappointing us. I do not know that any one person can ever completely meet every "need" that we have. Perhaps it is even unfair that we put this demand on a person we say we love. If we count on one person to single handily meet every; interest, thought, passion, hope, dream, adventure, and desire we have we are guaranteeing they fail in turn guaranteeing the relationship fails.

I don't know that I really want my partner to ever "get" me completely. There would not be anything new for him to discover. To say, “Wow I never knew that!” If you have each other all "figured out" what do you do for the next 40-50-60 years? I do not share a passion for NASCAR, football, basketball, Extreme-Sports, golf and numerous others. Just as surely I know my partner does not enjoy poetry, the museum, art, coffee or even sitting in the park for hours just reading and lying next to each other. To me this is why we have friends. They fill the “holes” which our relationship has. Those holes do not have to be a negative factor, but rather the opportunity to meet and appreciate all the wondrous color other people bring into our lives.

Expecting one person to just get us completely we set ourselves up for heart ache and disappointment. We don't have instructions or come with a manual so we have to voice our concerns. Taking a good hard look at our relationships on occasion is not only warranted but necessary maintenance to keep the wheels greased and moving forward. Sometimes a friend, that outside source gives a much needed break from the everyday grind, an escape to sanity. A person can never have too many friends that understand a small part of us that our partner does not. I think it is logical and expected to look to others, to outsiders, to friends and family to fill the "holes" in our relationships. Until this epiphany I never realized they are the compasses that often guide us back to the ones we love.

3 comments:

cjn said...

This is a very important revelation. I believe if more people in this world could look into their marriages and relationships and notice what you have, there would be a lot less divorce, misunderstanding and hurt.

You again have put into written words something not commonly talked about.

B said...

I like this alot. It is very true, and is a necessity of life. A compass not only guides but points us in the right directions. May your compass always be the tool you need want and desire it to be.

Babycakes said...

Very true and always will be no matter what.