obliviously vulnerable
susceptible to optimism
immersed in pleasure
unmistakable addiction
salacious ambition
infinite trust
velvety desires
orchestrated into
triumphant escape

Filler Of Holes

The sun warms my shoulders as I sip my well prepared four dollar and thirty-two cent coffee. Gazing around I see hands reaching for other hands, fingers softly stroking a cheek and smiles on the faces of couples who are soaking in the sun on this warm Sunday morning. It brings me back to a conversation I had with a friend about marriage and relationships. The question proposed seemed so simple, yet it has weaved in and out of my sub-consciousness for months. “Can any one person truly fill all the needs of another?” Weighing heavy on my heart and mind I acknowledged the need to examine my own relationship. What critical needs must be met in order for a relationship to flourish?

I find myself floundering to put those needs into words. Often we do not know what they are until they have been met or our partner falls short, disappointing us. I do not know that any one person can ever completely meet every "need" that we have. Perhaps it is even unfair that we put this demand on a person we say we love. If we count on one person to single handily meet every; interest, thought, passion, hope, dream, adventure, and desire we have we are guaranteeing they fail in turn guaranteeing the relationship fails.

I don't know that I really want my partner to ever "get" me completely. There would not be anything new for him to discover. To say, “Wow I never knew that!” If you have each other all "figured out" what do you do for the next 40-50-60 years? I do not share a passion for NASCAR, football, basketball, Extreme-Sports, golf and numerous others. Just as surely I know my partner does not enjoy poetry, the museum, art, coffee or even sitting in the park for hours just reading and lying next to each other. To me this is why we have friends. They fill the “holes” which our relationship has. Those holes do not have to be a negative factor, but rather the opportunity to meet and appreciate all the wondrous color other people bring into our lives.

Expecting one person to just get us completely we set ourselves up for heart ache and disappointment. We don't have instructions or come with a manual so we have to voice our concerns. Taking a good hard look at our relationships on occasion is not only warranted but necessary maintenance to keep the wheels greased and moving forward. Sometimes a friend, that outside source gives a much needed break from the everyday grind, an escape to sanity. A person can never have too many friends that understand a small part of us that our partner does not. I think it is logical and expected to look to others, to outsiders, to friends and family to fill the "holes" in our relationships. Until this epiphany I never realized they are the compasses that often guide us back to the ones we love.
In drifting asphyxiation
Zephyr dispatched your scent
Swirling on the breeze
Blasting my senses
Overwhelming me

Teetering on the edge
Kick-starting a shivering
Chain reaction of activity
Coursing through me
A hot surge deep inside

Experiencing the pervasive
Uncontrollable desire
To touch that spot
To tease out the pleasure
Until your name lingers on my lips

butterflies are always flaunting their freedom.............

Life echoing all around
While silence crowds in

Inherently my love
Has become obsolete

Rain batters
My bare shoulders

Silent screams
Rip from my throat

Wading in sorrow
Unhappiness palpable

With the revelation
Of needing escape

Into the darkness
My soul takes flight


Sex is not the answer
Sex is the question
"Yes" is the answer

They say confession is good for the list your guilty pleasures.

1. Shoes. I need more shoes like I need a hole in the head, but that doesn't stop me.
2. I am easily plied with Starbucks, warm caramel and chocolate. (Any combination works.)
3. Toys. In the event of my demise, I have a friend who is to come over right away. She knows where to go and what to take away in brown paper bags. And never mention to anyone.
4. Eating raw cookie dough. And no I don't want any comments on how bad it is for you!
5. Taking my frustration out on the steering wheel while playing the music loudly and yelling "Learn how to drive you ass clown!"
6. Last, but not the least... purposely empting the stapler on my bosses desk. Every time she reaches for it I hear, "I just don't understand how there are never any staples in here. I just filled it the other day." It is petty but when you are under paid and undervalued it is the small triumphs that make the week easier.

ps. I had to add a few more!!!

7. I love jumping up and down on bubble wrap. The sound it makes somehow makes you feel good.
8. When I have had a rotten week I love going and getting a manicure and pedicure.
9. Watching Third Watch reruns every morning. (Great show!)
10. Reality TV. It is utterly ridiculous to watch people "living" when most of it is all staged but still I enjoy it so don't judge.

****Feel free to make your own confession, I promise I won't tell.*****

Scribbling Incoherent Thoughts

I am so amped up
I can't think straight or sit

Down the rabbit hole I go
Lost in a labyrinth of secret

Wrought with confusing emotions
A swirling perfumed cloud of

All consuming hunger
Of epic proportions

Quenching the thirst
Of unapologetic

If addiction clouds all reason
Withdrawal will leave you naked

One Track Mind

I have tried to write my lust away, to no avail. Attempting to occupy my mind with anything and everything but thoughts of you, you still penetrate my fortress and creep into my dreams. Every night they take me on a glutinous journey that I can not say, I regret.

Poised above me, your weight shifts and your knee comes to rest between my legs pushing them open. You easy my arms above my head and then you hold my wrists tight so I can not move. You try to lower your lips to meet mine and I turn my head refusing you access. Suddenly I feel the warmth of your breath against my ear telling me I will obey you. Completely hypnotized, my breath quickens. Twisting my head so I can look at you, the agony of need is written into your features. As if seeing you for the first time my eyes betray me, giving consent.

Upon my silent agreement you lower your mouth to my nipple. They harden in response to your skilled tongue. Briefly gazing up, you see me twisting the corner of my lip into my mouth and biting down. A moan escapes from my clenched lips. Pleased you again shift your weight adjusting your grip on my wrists. I feel your hand run up and down the length of my torso circling my belly button. Your long fingers probe at my outside lips teasing and taunting. Small goose bumps prickle to life in anticipation. You expect me to beg with words but I won't!

My back arches in response as you thrust your fingers deep inside. Wiggling my bottom I try to get closer and closer to the source of this pleasure. Building a slow pensive need never before spoken. My head thrashes from side to side. You push your fingers in as far as they will go making small circles in my warm pink halls. Just shy of bring your fingers all the way out you then thrust them forward again and again.

You continue to do this until I feel as though I may actually break in half trying to get free from my restraints. My hands itch to touch you. I want to wrap my fingers around the hard solid mass I feel against my hip. To grab a bit of your hair and tug it hard enough to expose your neck so I can breath in your heady scent and sink my teeth into your flesh. A moan escapes from my clenched lips causing a hot surge to creep across my damp skin. My body tightens and finally convulses as liquid heat spreads from my core to my fingertips.

You loosen your hold on my wrists as we both collapse back on to the bed. Breathing deeply I raise up onto my forearm. My hands finally free, I spread them out against your chest as I hop on leg across you and straddle you. Easing down the length of your body it is now my warm mouth enveloping you. Teasing and taunting with slow flicks of my tongue around the tip and then my mouth enclosing the entire length moving up and down. I feel it grow even harder as my hand and mouth move in perfect synchronization.

As your body tenses I can feel you near the edge. Releasing my grip with one fluid movement I slide myself down to rest fully atop you. Rocking my hips back and forth you grab them to help guide. My pink walls tighten and release around your hardness. Up and down we move together until I feel every ounce of you released inside me, then one last tighten and release.

The alarm sounds in the background and I peer out from beneath my eyelashes. I reach over and find the button that will allow me to escape back to where the violent rhythm of your thrusting pounds like a cadence in my head and our hips rock in unison. That is where I long to be.